Life. Beauty. Laughter.

a new year, new beginnings

2010-12-31T23:28:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

Today is a very exciting day for me, apart from being the first day of 2011. I have just launched my new blog, One April Morning, at www.oneaprilmorning.net. I hope you like it.

At this stage, One April Morning will replace Life.Beauty.Laughter., meaning that I will no longer be posting here. Please don't worry, my new blog will be very much in the same vein as this one, just with a fresh starting point. And, hopefully, at least a little better.

Once again, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your love and support throughout the past year.

Wishing you love and happiness for the year ahead, and I hope that you will keep in touch.

With love,

Laura x

hiatus

2010-12-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

Dear lovely readers,

Just a little note to let you know that Life.Beauty.Laughter. is on hiatus. I will be launching a new blog in the new year. (And by new year, I mean New Year's Day, at this stage.) I don't know much about it yet - the name, the look, etc. All I know is that it will be very similar to this one, yet a whole lot better. (Trust me. I promise.)

Please let me know if you would like me to email you when the new blog launches - you can either leave a comment or email me at laura[dot]valerie89[at]gmail[dot]com. I will try to get an ad-hoc newsletter thing going to keep you updated (being a "blogger" may imply that I am technically competent, but that is sadly not the case). Otherwise, I will let you all know via this page.

Thank you for all of your ongoing support. It means the world to me.

With love,

Laura x

P.S. Merry Christmas!

(Photo via Seven Dreaming Souls)

summer loving

2010-12-06T17:25:00.000+08:00

Summer, for me, is really long holiday, marked by clear skies and hot weather, stretching into the expanse of the next year and beyond. Since exams, I have taken a break, taking the opportunity to do lazy things like watch Secret Diary of a Call Girl (my new guilty pleasure), read my backlog of magazines and paint my nails. (I do work, sporadically, don't worry.)

So I think it is time to use my freedom to get stuff done. The following are a few things I want to do... a to-list thrown in with a bit of goal-making. I will be expanding upon some of these soon.

1. Read some classics novels... Ulysses, Anna Karenina.

2. Run.

3. Write a chunk of my novel.

4. Move out of home with Andy (hopefully, probably).

5. Watch Love My Way.

6. Try Bikram yoga.

7. Write a screenplay.

8. Do some sort of Julie and Julia-esque challenge with my newly arrived copy of Stephanie Alexander's The Cook's Companion.

9. Save for a holiday to Ubud, Bali in July for a friend's wedding.

10. Celebrate my 7 year anniversary with Andy.

11. Perfect a morning routine.

12. Secure a work experience stint for 2011.

13. Play around with watercolour painting.

14. Build the framework for a freelance makeup artistry business (on the side).

15. Read a book in French.

That's all! What are your plans for the summer?

my #1 happiness tip

2010-11-30T19:14:00.001+08:00

Just smile.

It's that simple. Those days, or moments - and I am sure you have them too - when I feel petulant or miserable, I force myself to smile. A big, wide, toothy smile. I usually take the time to do so on the way to whatever it is I am about to do, whether it is a meeting, a shift at work, a tutorial at uni, lunch with a friend, a date with my boyfriend... just contorting my lips into an upwards curve, which gradually, miraculously, makes me feel lighter and happier.

There is, of course, a scientific explanation for the phenomenon. The act of smiling releases endorphins and seratonin, which gives us an immediate sense of well-being. I think there is a further benefit, though, other than the biological aspect. Smiling through my tears, anger or hurt makes me realise that my unhappiness is rarely, if ever, the result of terrible things happening to me - but, rather, a reluctance to be happy... usually because I am feeling acutely weary or nurturing a penchant for self-pity.

It's not that I think that unhappiness is something to be shirked at all costs. Sarah Wilson has written a couple of lovely posts about why it is perfectly okay to be sad. (Here and here, the latter is my favourite.) Life is not all rainbows and butterflies, after all. Sometimes it is really devastating and completely unfair and utterly irritating. Hiding, disguising or pushing aside our true feelings can be exhausting and honesty can be a good, healthy thing... best utilised, I think, when we are alone, or with those close to us.

But there are, without a doubt, times when being sad is not conducive. Like when we have work to do. Or when we are celebrating somebody else's special day. Or when our lover arrives home from a long day at work. Or when we have to interact with perfectly innocent bystanders who don't deserve our wrath. It is those times, and many others, when the right thing to do is to rise above our melancholy and plaster a smile on our faces. Because that is all it can take, sometimes, to be happy.

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you."

— Maori Proverb

eat pray love (the film): a review

2010-11-26T10:27:00.000+08:00

I try to avoid reviewing books and films. In writing, at least. I do like to share what I love about them, what inspired me when I read or watched them, but I don't like to criticise - because I know how much thought and effort is embedded within them. I try to restrict my criticism to politicians (with the exception of Obama, of course) and (the abomination) Sex and the City II. So this review of Eat Pray Love, the film, will be a kind one, but one which will steadfastly defend the book I love so much.

I'm sure you probably know how much I love Eat Pray Love. It's not that I could relate to the book in its entirety. Elizabeth Gilbert and I are different in a lot of ways. She is of another generation, a different upbringing, a different culture. I have never been married, nor divorced. I am nearly two decades younger than she. We have differing religious beliefs. Nevertheless, I adore her. I don't think that we need to share life experiences or characteristics in order to be able to empathise with somebody's pain and joy. And because she is such a beautiful writer that you cannot help but fall in love with her... as long as you read her book with an open heart. Which I suspect a lot of jaded women have NOT been doing. (See, I am biased. Sorry!)

Anyhow, I watched the film a few weeks ago. I enjoyed it a lot. I cried in parts (three times, to be exact... the Thanksgiving dinner, Richard's confession and José's son leaving him). I laughed. I thought that Julia Roberts was a good fit for the role of Liz. I fell in love with the gorgeous Javier Bardem and James Franco. Ketut and Wayan were as charming as I imagined. The scenery was beautiful.

The only thing about the movie that didn't quite sit right was the premise. Which, as you can imagine, is a pretty big deal. It seems to have ruined the film for people who have not yet read the book and now, are very unlikely to ever do so. David Stratton and Margaret Pomeranz - two movie reviewers I admire very much - are just two examples of disillusioned audience members. You can read their review here. (Please do. It's pretty funny.) Here is an excerpt:

MARGARET: It is interminable and twee and unbelievably self-indulgent and the trouble is that much as you want to enjoy this character I just found I couldn't. I found it - I couldn't understand why she abruptly breaks up her marriage to begin with.

DAVID: No. That put me off right from the start because the husband seemed so...

MARGARET: ... and she caused a lot of hurt in the process and, oh, she's going off to discover herself and it sort of immediately sets up a tremendously selfish motive.

DAVID: It's a me, me, me film.

MARGARET: And I should sympathise with this woman more but - I tried to read the book and I actually couldn't.

DAVID: Ah, okay.

MARGARET: So I'm a bit with you on this.

DAVID: So I don't feel so bad not having read the book?

MARGARET: No. No, don't feel guilty. Not that you ever would.

DAVID: Not that I would, no.

MARGARET: Look, I'm giving this two and a half stars.

DAVID: Oh, really? Okay, well, I'm giving it one and a half.

Now, I would never dispute their right to have an opinion. And it is a very esteemed opinion at that. But here exists a clash - a clash of pre-ordained judgments of the film and the film failing to address those inevitable preconceptions in its storyline. What I mean to say is that Eat Pray Love was always going a film that would be heavily criticised. It is, after all, now considered a cliché for women "finding themselves", and Liz's journey is often made light of, sometimes in a nasty way. This column by Karen Brooks, for example, is particularly scathing.

It is clear to me that David and Margaret saw the film with the impression that it would be a bit of a self-indulgent joke. And that impression has been fulfilled, to the tee. The film DOES portray Liz as selfish and delusional. Her husband seems eccentric and perhaps a little selfish himself... but, of course, that is not reason enough to leave somebody and cause them so much hurt and pain. So of course David and Margaret think that Liz is utterly self-centred, and therefore deemed the rest of the film completely frivolous and worthless. Because the insensitivity and superficiality with which the divorce was dealt cheapened the journey itself.

The thing is, the divorce was glossed over in the book as well. But not because Liz made her decision to leave her husband lightly. It was out of respect to him; she did not want to delve into their marriage breakdown at all. She just made clear that she had loved him dearly, but she was desperately unhappy. It was not only his fault, nor was it hers. Well, in actual fact, they were both to blame. And the gulf between them simply could not be bridged. It was over.

Despite that, Liz details the pain of the divorce in excruciating detail. The divorce spanned over two years. He refused to acquiese, no matter how much she bequeathed him. (This is her ex-husband, by the way. Word has it that he also took off after the divorce was finalised, traveling through the Middle East providing aid to the needy. No need to judge whose journey was more noble... but he seems to be a good person.) Liz spiraled into a deep depression which, despite her best efforts, could only be curbed by medication. The film-makers clearly decided not to cover that ground. I understand their decision, I suppose. They wanted to make a feel-good, inspirational film, and launch into the eating, praying and loving as soon as possible - which is so much more fun than heartache and depression.

By avoiding the melodrama of the book, however, the film presented as Liz's story as shallow. What on earth did they hope to achieve by the ridiculous divorce settlement scene, for example? Was it supposed to be humorous? Because all it did was make divorce seem like some sort of selfish bourgeoisie game. Which it is not. It is difficult, hurtful and incredibly sad. So, with all that in mind, it is natural that people who did not read, understand or relate to the book find the movie excruciating.

Please know that I am totally aware of the fact that screenwriters need to condense an entire book into a relatively short film, and that many nuances will be left by the wayside. Of course that is inevitable. But since that is the case, it should have been that the screenwriters had the foresight to realise that they would never be able to capture the complexity of a marriage within a few short minutes. And so they should have, quite rightfully, glossed over it. But with sensitivity. With the message that: "This was painful. This was hard. Whether or not it was the right thing to do, we will never know, but Liz was desperately unhappy and, after trying and trying to make it work, she did the best thing she could do for herself, and for her husband."

Okay. So I know that I am no professional screenwriter. In fact, I know absolutely nothing about it. Except that I watch films. And I like Elizabeth Gilbert. I don't like it when people criticise and don't offer a viable solution. So, for those EPL afficionados out there (for I know many of you exist, even if you won't admit it), here is my ideal exposition.... I would start with the famous bathroom scene. Where Liz is desperately asking God what on earth to do, because she doesn't want to be married anymore. That scene would reveal the gravity of her pain. With no need for explanations or justifications. Then go to Bali. Meet Ketut. Then tell her husband she is leaving him. I wouldn't have made him a character, as such. More of a shadowy being to represent Liz's intense unhappiness and dissatisfaction with her life. (Somewhat like the opening scenes of Antonioni's L'Eclisse... for film buffs.)

That's it. I think those three scenes would be enough. Then they could have launched into all the fun yummy stuff, like her love affair with bedroom-eyed David, traipsing through the streets of Rome, finding clarity in India, bicycling through the Balinese jungle and making love to Penelope Cruz's husband. Because that is all perfectly lovely and heart-lifting. But without the underlying backstory - without the journey from one state of being to another, which was the whole rationale behind the trip in the first place - it just has no meaning. The audience cannot be truly happy for their protagonist, because there is nothing to validate the transformation she undertakes. All we see is an incredibly beautiful woman sweeping from one privileged life to the next, from one loving man into the arms of another... and another. Why on earth should we care?

So that is my first review. What did you think of the movie? Have you read the book? I would love to hear your opinions!

beauty secrets, part five: summer essentials

2010-11-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

It is hot. Really hot. Humid, too. With that heat and stickiness comes new beauty needs. Summer calls for a pared-down, low-maintenance beauty regime that presents itself as effortless, pretty, glowy and fresh. Of course, sunscreen is a given, but here are a few of my other product suggestions for the coming months...

1. Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturiser SPF20 - Illuminating

This is one of my all-time favourite makeup products. Boasting broad spectrum SPF20 protection, it provides a beautifully luminous, even-toned complexion. It is hydrating, but feels ever-so-light on the skin, with a coverage that is on the fuller end of the tinted moisturiser spectrum. Simply put, it is incredibly pretty and if you buy one beauty product this summer, make it this one.

2. By Terry Light Expert

As I mentioned in my last makeup post, I have a debilitating weakness for Terry de Gunzberg's luxurious products. This magical wand eliminates dull, tired skin, replacing it with a gorgeous, soft-focus glow. I love mixing this with Laura Mercier Illuminating Tinted Moisturiser, to make my skin look even more radiant. It provides light-medium coverage but does wonders for evening out the skintone (especially redness), and has what I like to describe as a "velvet matte" finish. This click-pen with an attached brush is designed for the busy modern woman, so it is perfect for travelling and tossing in your handbag to touch up during the day. I am often disloyal to this gem, but when I return to it, I realise that it truly is one of the best foundations on the market.

3. Nars Blush in Orgasm

Nars Blush in Orgasm is a classic, cult product - for good reason! Patted softly on the cheeks, the silky pigment imparts a perfect peach-pink glow that instantly brightens the skin and mimics a healthy, natural flush. Not too cool, not too warm, it suits almost all skintones and has won countless "best of" awards. Nars products are always of beautiful quality and this is no exception. Confession: I bought mine over two years ago and it is still going strong. Definitely a worthwhile investment.

4. Dior Diorskin Poudre Shimmer in Amber Diamond

This is a recent discovery I made after many, many recommendations from fellow makeup lovers. I dust this on the planes of my face that are naturally hit by the light - my cheekbones, the bridge of my nose, chin, forehead and cupid's bow - with my Nars Yachiyo Brush (which I lost this weekend - can you believe it?) It has a beyond lovely bronze sheen, and looks absolutely gorgeous in photographs.

5. Stila One Step Prime Colour in Bronze Babe

This newly released tube has fast become one of Stila's best-selling products. I have always wondered how starlets achieved those perfectly bronzed cheeks I see so often on the red carpet... the bronze that is not too orange, not too brown, with the perfect balance of shimmer and matte. Well, this is it. And it is stunning.

6. Bobbi Brown Day-to-Night Palette in Warm

I don't know how fast these have flown off the shelves so apologies if this limited edition palette has already sold out! Consisting of a matte highlighter, a matte taupe brown, a dark brown matte contour or eyeliner, two shimmering bronzes and a dark brown shimmer, this perfect array of colours can work in synergy to create an endless supply of eye makeup looks, from barely there, to a soft smokey eye, to a dramatic evening look. A must-have in your makeup wardrobe!

7. Stila Lip Glaze in Starfruit

I have tried a lot of lipglosses in my time, but this one has to be one of - if not THE - most universally flattering of them all. Not quite nude, but not too bright either, it is the perfect shade for a polished, elegant, understated summer look, all the while looking fresh and pretty.

8. Nars Lipgloss in Easy Lover

I have to add a second lipgloss because, if you are anything like me, one is not enough - we need options! This one looks scarily bright in the tube, but goes on sheer, and looks a little something like this...

Yes, it really is that adorable.

9. Hei Poa Beauty Oil

Tahitian Monoi Oil, derived from coconuts, is the Polynesian woman's secret to her beautifully long, thick, strong locks and soft, flawless skin (or so I have heard)! I use this oil to protect my hair and skin (on my body) from the horrors of chlorine, before and after my daily swim. Hei Poa's pure monoi oil is available in a selection of "flavours", including vanilla, coconut and frangipani.

10. Aveda Pure Abundance Hair Potion

I first bought this irreplaceable product on the advice of Zoe Foster, who has dubbed it "magic dust". All you do is sprinkle the dust onto your fingers, rub it sparingly through your roots, and suddenly you have achieved that coveted lived-in, tousled look so effortlessly modeled by ingenues worldwide.

11. Korres Milk Proteins Foaming Milk Cleanser

Another recent discovery, this beautiful skincare product is one of those rare cleansing gems that manage to hydrate and nourish the skin while leaving it feeling fresh and clean. It is ideal for targeting the simultaneous oiliness and dehydration that accompanies the onset of summer. Korres has recently elevated itself to one of my favourite brands - its Wild Rose Face and Eye Serum and Pomegranate Cleansing Scrub are equally lovely.

12. Diptyque L'Ombre dans L'Eau

This eau de toilette from French perfumer Diptyque is described as a "bouquet of roses and blueberry leaves". Designed to evoke the aura of a green riverside garden, amongst the trees, it is subtle, fresh and gorgeous - a perfect blend of florals, fruit and greenery. Plus it looks so charming in my room! (With its room spray and candle counterparts, called Baies.)

thirteen virtues

2010-11-17T22:59:00.004+08:00

(via Miss Bonaparte)

When he was young, Benjamin Franklin transcribed a list of thirteen important virtues that he felt were important guides for living. At the end of each day, Franklin would record his progress and transgressions in a book. It is not the virtues themselves that inspire me (Franklin seems to have wanted to limit his pleasure, while my desire is to enhance it), but rather his daily act of reflection and mindfulness. Franklin admitted that he often lapsed in at least one of his virtues; but he always resolved to do better the next day. And it is, I think, the promise to do better that makes us better. Not necessarily being an angel (or, as Franklin said, achieving "Moral Perfection"), but striving to be.

So I have created my own virtues. Actually, I don't know whether they should be called virtues - maybe just things to remember; or, things to keep in mind as I go about my day. Most of them are quite simple but surprisingly easy to forget in the messiness of life. I don't think I will actually assess myself by marking them off, but I will reflect upon them each night, and peruse them again each morning. My hope is that, one day, they will become so ingrained in my frame of mind that I will abide by them, subconsciously. Living lightly, joyfully and lovingly, each and every day.

Avarice

The most important things in life aren't things.

Beauty

What you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful.

Begin

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake…

Career

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Change

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Cherish
Cherish your visions.

Cherish your ideals.
Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts.
For out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment, of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.

Consciousness

I have no advice for anybody; except to, you know, be awake enough to see where you are at any given time, and how that is beautiful, and has poetry inside. Even places you hate.

Courage

Nothing external to you has any power over you.

Decisions

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Dreams

Tell everyone what you want to do and someone will want to help you do it.

Faith

What you are comes to you.

Freedom

Man is free at the instant he wants to be.

Friendship

We won’t always know whose lives we touched and made better for our having cared, because actions can sometimes have unforeseen ramifications. What’s important is that you do care and you act.

Hope

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof.

Humanity

Oppression involves a failure in the imagination. A failure to imagine the full humanity of other human beings.

Joy

Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy.

Kindness

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

Life

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.

Love

Do everything with so much love in your heart that you would never want to do it any other way.

Nature

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.

Peace

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

Reading

That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.

Success

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children... to leave the world a better place... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

Today

Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.

Writing

Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer.

Work

It's what you do that makes your soul.

(NB These are all quotes from some of my favourite writers or thinkers; the only reason I have not credited them in my list is because I know them from memory. They are as follows: Avarice - Anthony J. D'Angelo; Beauty - Scott Westerfield; Begin - Marie Beyon Ray; Career - Harold Whitman; Change - Anne Frank; Cherish - James Allen; Consciousness - Jeff Buckley; Courage - Ralph Waldo Emerson; Decisions - Flora Whittemore; Dreams - W. Clement Stone; Faith - Ralph Waldo Emerson; Freedom - Voltaire; Friendship - Charlotte Lunsford; Hope - Barbara Kingsolver; Humanity - Margaret Atwood; Joy - Milton Erickson; Kindness - Mother Teresa; Life - Jiddu Krishnamurti; Love - Yogi Desai; Nature - Anne Frank; Peace - Chuck Palahniuk; Reading - Scott F. Fitzgerald; Success - Ralph Waldo Emerson; Today - Siddhārtha Gautama; Writing - Barbara Kingsolver; Work - Barbara Kingsolver.)

some light (and heavy) reading

2010-11-16T09:54:00.002+08:00

Since I am still exhausted after finishing my exams, I thought I would be lazy today and just share a few things I have come across lately. They are divided into heavy and light, depending on your mood.

Heavy

An abandoned house in Detroit (Danny Wilcox-Frazier)

What Killed Aiyana Stanley-Jones? by Charlie LeDuff.

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Charlie LeDuff explores the factors and events which culminated in the death of an innocent child in Detroit, one of America's most impoverished cities. Seven-year-old Aiyana Stanley-Jones was asleep on the couch when police stormed into her family's apartment at midnight, looking for a man who lived in the apartment above. They threw a grenade through the window, burning Aiyana's blanket, and shot her in the head, killing her instantly. The police were flanked by a reality TV crew, intent upon creating and capturing drama. Disturbingly, the hideous corruption goes much deeper.

The Woman Who Wouldn't Crack by Jon Swain.

Jon Swain recounts the amazing story of Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been on house arrest in Burma for 15 of the last 21 years. She sacrificed her comfortable life in Britain, as well as her relationship with her loving husband and two sons, to fight for democracy in her country of birth, which toils under one of the most oppressive regimes in the world. Suu Kyi was finally released on Saturday, greeted by over a million rejoicing supporters. Her husband died in 1999.

Family's Amazing Grace Honours Son's Memory by Emma Woods.

Emma Woods' 4-year-old son Nayan died when a young driver's car span out of control at an intersection and struck him, as they were walking home from the shops on a rainy day. She was spurred to write this piece when a newspaper columnist, Michael Laws, criticised her for "forgiving" Nayan's killer, Ashley Austin (a falsity in itself), accusing her of being "foolishly compassionate". Emma clarifies the glaring inaccuracies in Michael's argument and explains why she did not believe that Ashley should be sent to jail.

Light

Why Making Dinner is a Good Idea by Jonah Lehrer.
This article in Wired magazines reaches the hypothesis that the longer we take to create something, the more pleasure we take in consuming it. It suggests that people who overeat are not gluttonous but, rather, have to eat more in order to acquire the same pleasure as a moderate eater. In this world of fast food, perhaps our desire for convenience has made us forget how enjoyable it can be to invest time and effort into creating something special for ourselves and our families.

Glee S2E6: Never Been Kissed by Tom and Lorenzo.

Especially for Glee fans. Tom and Lorenzo review the latest Glee episode (the one that aired last week), exulting the show's revolutionary depiction of a gay "Prince Charming" romantic fantasy. Their ecstasy is infectious.

A Life on Facebook by Maxime Luere.

A surprisingly touching short film unfolding a man's life, exclusively through screencaps of his Facebook profile.

Listen by Cherice.
I am an absolute sucker for Susan Boyle-type moments. Glee fans will know Cherice as Sunshine; others may know her from appearances on Oprah and Ellen. If you haven't heard of her, please watch this regardless. Cherice is a Philippines-born 17-year-old (I think she must have been 16 in this clip) with a phenomenal singing voice. She began entering talent contests at a young age and has gradually risen to prominence in the USA. I think she outshines Beyoncé's version of this song with this performance... but you be the judge!

And even lighter still...

Don Draper says "What"

The title says it all.

Bold and the Beautiful in 6 Minutes
You cannot get much lighter than this. A complete, chronological recount of the ridiculous antics of Ridge, Brooke, Taylor and co over the last 23 years.

the right thing to say

2010-11-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, one of my relatives discovered that he is dying.

I think all I can do is examine this situation from my perspective, as selfish as that may seem. I can try to imagine what he and his children and wife and father and brothers and sisters and friends are going through, but I will never know, no matter how hard I try. I have not experienced somebody close to me dying; even if I had, my experience would be different to theirs. I desperately want to be supportive and sympathetic, but I am paralysed by the fear of doing or saying the wrong thing; of making the situation worse, if that is even possible.

This paralysis is something I struggle with constantly, albeit on a much smaller scale. I have an acute and debilitating awareness of the effect my words or actions may have upon others. Before I say something, I practice in my head first, which means that I take too long to react to things. Sometimes I don't say anything at all, because the delay is so drawn out that the moment passes. It reaches the point where I have to ignore that warning voice in my head, in order to function. So I say the wrong thing, after all. To put it simply, I am awkward. I am not one of those people who seem to know, instinctively, how to comfort somebody in their time of need. I am drawn to those people; I think I have a subconscious desire to absorb some of their emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, it is not contagious.

I read an article by Christopher Hitchens today. It was timely. Christopher is one of my favourite authors, and he is dying of cancer. Stage four, metastatic, esophageal cancer. He writes a monthly column for Vanity Fair and his latest, "Miss Manners and the Big C", is the one I read today. Christopher writes:

I recently had to accept that I wasn’t going to be able to attend my niece’s wedding, in my old hometown and former university in Oxford. This depressed me for more than one reason, and an especially close friend inquired, “Is it that you’re afraid you’ll never see England again?” As it happens he was exactly right to ask, and it had been precisely that which had been bothering me, but I was unreasonably shocked by his bluntness. I’ll do the facing of hard facts, thanks. Don’t you be doing it, too. And yet I had absolutely invited the question. Telling someone else, with deliberate realism, that once I’d had a few more scans and treatments I might be told by the doctors that things from now on could be mainly a matter of “management,” I again had the wind knocked out of me when she said, “Yes, I suppose a time comes when you have to consider letting go.” How true, and how crisp a summary of what I had just said myself. But again there was the unreasonable urge to have a kind of monopoly on, or a sort of veto over, what was actually sayable.

When my grandmother died, two acquaintances' reactions were etched into my mother's memory. One was that of a work colleague who said, "but she was sick for a long time, wasn't she?" The other was a lady my mother knew briefly, whose son was in my brother's class at school. Although they were not close, she knew exactly what to do. She did not say anything; she simply hugged her. And that, my mother told me, was the most perfect thing anybody did for her.

So maybe it is not a matter of constructing the right thing to say, nor avoiding the wrong thing to say. It could just be enough to offer sympathy, in the most unselfish way possible. Not to attempt to understand how they are feeling or what they are thinking, but to show them that we care and that we are sorry that this awful thing has happened to them. To acknowledge that life is unfair. It is unkind. Terrible things happen to good people. We don't need to convey that sentiment with words. Most things - the most important things, at least - don't need to be said. Just a look, a hug or a clasping of hands can be enough. Or even pure presence. Just being there can express, in an unspoken language: We are on separate journeys, but you are not alone. I love you.

starting small

2010-11-09T13:13:00.003+08:00

Okay. So usually, when I hit a red light, I come up with a plan. It's really fun to do, and amounts to me transforming myself into the most amazing, kind, wonderful, glamorous, creative, productive, intelligent, enviable person alive. Of course, I am yet to become that person... and unfortunately, I know that I never will be - because it is impossible. For anybody. (Yes, even Cate Blanchett, I'm sure, has her faults. Or, at least, that is what I tell myself.) So this time, I am going to start small. Really small.

Eat breakfast.

Easy! And not just any breakfast. A healthy breakfast. Maybe not be the healthiest breakfast in the entire world, but one which provides me with some nutrients and antioxidants, and fills me up until lunchtime (okay, until a mid-morning snack).

You see, I usually miss breakfast. For a multitude of reasons. The first is time. I usually sleep in, which means that I am rushing out of the door and don't have time to rummage around the kitchen, let alone actually sit down to eat a meal. The second is options. Of course, there are a lot of things in my fridge and pantry that I could eat for breakfast, but none of them appear to be particularly appealing - mainly because the early hours of the morning is when I am most determined to be healthy, so white bread or bacon doesn't quite mesh. The third is because I am not very hungry in the mornings, so when I miss breakfast, it doesn't feel like a big deal.

My philosophy is that a nourishing, healthy, pleasurable breakfast will give me a jump start to the day, with the flow-on effects of encouraging me to wake up a little earlier, take a few minutes to read my book (currently The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert, it's captivating) and reflect upon the day ahead (a little more on that later).

The breakfast itself, I stole it from Leo Babauta at Zen Habits. I have been devouring his blog over the last few days. It's wonderful. (Again, more on that later!) Browsing his archives, I came across his post 10 Tasty, Easy and Healthy Breakfast Ideas, the first of which was...

Oatmeal, flaxseed, blueberries & almonds. To me, this is the perfect breakfast. Steel-cut oatmeal is probably the healthier choice, but if you are in a hurry, the instant kind will do fine (it doesn’t have as much fiber, but the other ingredients make up for that). After microwaving the oatmeal, add ground flaxseed, frozen blueberries, sliced almonds. You can add a little cinnamon and honey (not a lot) if you’re using the non-instant oatmeal. That’s four power foods, full of fiber and nutrients and protein and good fats, with only a couple of minutes of prep time. And very tasty!

I have tweaked it a little to suit my own tastes. I have half a packet of oatmeal (the instant kind, but one which contains no sugar... it is also organic and biodynamic, whatever that means*), a handful of fresh blueberries, raw almonds slivers and two finely sliced fresh strawberries. With a tiny drizzle of maple syrup (organic, again... and the vegan alternative to honey). I would love to add flaxseed, as soon as I find some at my local health store. To tell the truth, I had never tried oatmeal before in my life... and on its own, it is a little (a lot) bland. But with the fruit, it is yummy and satiating. As I eat, I read my book and sip on some green tea. Then I round the whole lot off with a litre of water (which I drink slowly, as I am getting ready), using the giant BPA-free water-bottle I stole from Andy. (Just like smaller plates help us to eat less, a giant water-bottle encourages me to drink more.)

So that is my starting point. I will be slowly adding in new things to try, as well as tips and inspirations from others. I'd love to hear your feedback, advice or story, as well.

* Working in the cosmetics industry has left me very dubious about "organic" claims. There is no official body certifying organic products (only ingredients), and often when a brand is labelled "organic" (or "mineral", for that matter), it is often the case that there is only a few ingredients are actually organic, and the rest are just cheap, synthetic fillers. So definitely read the ingredients list itself, if you are concerned about using or eating natural products or foods... My oatmeal contains just oats and sea salt, which I feel safe with.

red lights

2010-11-08T19:44:00.001+08:00

I think everybody must have experienced a "red light", somewhere along the line. Or is it just me? A "red light" is when you are gliding - or maybe, to put it more aptly, sliding - along, going about your day-to-day life, thinking that everything is okay... when something hits you over the head and makes you realise that it's not. You are not the person you want to be, and your life is not the life you want it to be. You have gone awry. You are lost. So you stop still, at the red light, and wonder what on earth to do next.

For me, life can sometimes take on the form of an imperceptible avalanche, gradually gathering speed. You see, I have these wild and wonderful ideas about what I want for myself. I know exactly what I want to achieve in my life, how I want my days to unfold, what I want to learn, the kind of food I want to eat, the books I want to read. The problem is that, as firm as my convictions may be, a lot of those fantasies fall by the wayside. So why keep at it? Why do I envision these goals and dream of my "ideal" lifestyle, if it rarely comes to anything?

To tell the truth, I don't know how to answer that question. Nevertheless, I do think that goals are essential. The business, stress and temptations we are faced with every single day make it so easy for us to lose sight of where we want to go. A streamlined vision gives us parameters. It helps to convince us to prune our lives, figure out where we are going wrong, and keep improving. Because it's when those parameters are stretched too wide that we veer off course, and we become more and more lenient with ourselves... until we get to a point where we sit back and think, "Where am I? This is so far from where I want to be that it's not funny!"

Maybe it is a dead-end job, a stale relationship, hurtful friendships, hours wasted online and watching TV, staying home instead of going out, buying food instead of cooking it, sitting on the couch instead of going for a walk, sleeping in instead of waking up early... At the time, we think these things make us happy. Or, at least, comfortable. But they don't, really. It makes us feel disappointed with ourselves, in the broad scheme of things. We are truly happy with ourselves when we uphold a semblance of discipline, particularly when we reap the rewards later. It's not that we should not take a break every now and then, indulge when we need a pick-me-up, be kind to ourselves when we fail to live up to own own expectations... that is all really, really important. But we need to take charge of our own lives, and create a life that we can be proud of. Achieve amazing things. Go beyond what we think we can do. We need to be able to look back, pat ourselves on the back and say, "Wow! You did a good job".

So I guess the moral of this post is... dream. Set goals. Reassure yourself. Know what you want. Wish. I don't have much advice for how to get to those dreams. But I think the dream itself is important. You may have already guessed that I have recently hit one of those red lights I mentioned earlier. Which is a good thing, because I am determined to make some changes. (And when I say make some changes, I mean actually make them, not just plan to make them...) Stay tuned!

"If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up."

— J.M Powers

some thoughts on writing

2010-11-05T09:08:00.006+08:00

At present, I'm writing a little review of Eat Pray Love, the movie, which should be up in a week or so. In the meantime, I was perusing Elizabeth Gilbert's website for some research material and came across "Some Thoughts on Writing" - Liz's sage advice for aspiring writers, which I think would also apply (at least partially) to bloggers, artists, and perhaps anybody striving to achieve what seems like a far-off dream...

... I believe that – if you are serious about a life of writing, or indeed about any creative form of expression – that you should take on this work like a holy calling. I became a writer the way other people become monks or nuns. I made a vow to writing, very young. I became Bride-of-Writing. I was writing’s most devotional handmaiden. I built my entire life around writing. I didn’t know how else to do this. I didn’t know anyone who had ever become a writer. I had no, as they say, connections. I had no clues. I just began.

... I created my own post-graduate writing program, which entailed several years spent traveling around the country and world, taking jobs at bars and restaurants and ranches, listening to how people spoke, collecting experiences and writing constantly. My life probably looked disordered to observers (not that anyone was observing it that closely) but my travels were a very deliberate effort to learn as much as I could about life, expressly so that I could write about it.

... Send your work off to editors and agents as much as possible, show it to your neighbors, plaster it on the walls of the bus stops – just don’t sit on your work and suffocate it. At least try. And when the powers-that-be send you back your manuscript (and they will), take a deep breath and try again. I often hear people say, “I’m not good enough yet to be published.” That’s quite possible. Probable, even. All I’m saying is: Let someone else decide that. Magazines, editors, agents – they all employ young people making $22,000 a year whose job it is to read through piles of manuscripts and send you back letters telling you that you aren’t good enough yet: LET THEM DO IT. Don’t pre-reject yourself. That’s their job, not yours. Your job is only to write your heart out, and let destiny take care of the rest.

... As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness... Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn’t take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness (which comes from a place of kind and encouraging and motherly love).

... Always, at the end of the day, the important thing is only and always that: Get back to work. This is a path for the courageous and the faithful. You must find another reason to work, other than the desire for success or recognition. It must come from another place.

... Writing is not like dancing or modeling; it’s not something where – if you missed it by age 19 – you’re finished. It’s never too late. Your writing will only get better as you get older and wiser. If you write something beautiful and important, and the right person somehow discovers it, they will clear room for you on the bookshelves of the world – at any age. At least try.

... Everyone I know who managed to become a writer did it differently – sometimes radically differently. Try all the ways, I guess. Becoming a published writer is sort of like trying to find a cheap apartment in New York City: it’s impossible. And yet…every single day, somebody manages to find a cheap apartment in New York City. I can’t tell you how to do it. I’m still not even entirely sure how I did it. I can only tell you – through my own example – that it can be done. I once found a cheap apartment in Manhattan. And I also became a writer.

... My suggestion is that you start with the love and then work very hard and try to let go of the results. Cast out your will, and then cut the line.

... If you decide to write, then you must do it, as Balzac said, “like a miner buried under a fallen roof.” Become a knight, a force of diligence and faith. I don’t know how else to do it except that way. As the great poet Jack Gilbert said once to young writer, when she asked him for advice about her own poems: “Do you have the courage to bring forth this work? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say YES."

To sum it up, I would say that Liz's advice amounts to...

... Write

... Live and breathe writing

... Travel

... Share your writing

... Forgive yourself

... Get back to work

... At least try

And most importantly...

... Your job is only to write your heart out, and let destiny take care of the rest... start with the love and then work very hard and try to let go of the results. Cast out your will, and then cut the line.

I think I can handle that.

(Picture via partytights)

groundhog day

2010-11-02T10:30:00.001+08:00

Last week I watched Groundhog Day, for what was probably the trillionth time. It is a really wonderful, classic film.

I guess there is a lot that you can take away from it. The themes are intertwining and ever-lasting: self-improvement, prioritising, generosity, the pursuit of happiness, and all that.

This time, what really spoke to me was, how much we can fit into a day. I mean, if we truly fill our days to the brim, there is so much that we can do and achieve. Every single day is a fresh opportunity to learn something new, initiate a friendship, foster a skill, make a difference in somebody else's life... fall in love. Do something truly great.

That realisation (or lack thereof) is something I really struggle with. I tend to embroil myself in a downward spiral, day after day, allowing the previous day's mood, worries and ennui to colour what happens the next... rather than nurturing the awareness that everyday is a completely blank slate, yet another chance to start anew (to break through walls we have built around ourselves; to change whatever needs changing; to dream; to take the next step; to cherish the beauty all around us).

“Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”

— Siddhārtha Gautama

let's go

2010-11-01T10:37:00.001+08:00

Listen; there's a hell of a good

universe next door: let's go.

e.e. cummings

a letter

2010-10-31T13:17:00.001+08:00

The other day, I read this lovely post by Gaynor Alder of The Modern Woman's Survival Guide in which she wrote a heartfelt letter to her 16-year-old self. It drew me into a cloud of nostalgia and I took up her invitation to write such a letter to myself at the same age. Here it is, reposted in all its glory...

Dear 16-year-old Me…

Be true to yourself.

Take chances.

Read.

Don’t diet.

Love, 21-year-old Me.

I think those four lines sum everything up perfectly... there's not much else to say. Life is simple really, when you think about it. Of course, that's easy to say when you're looking back, but not so easy to believe when you're in the midst of it.

P.S. Please spare a few minutes to take a hop, skip and a jump over to Gaynor's riveting travel tale Byron Bay: The Uncut Version... it's truly brilliant.

the searchers

2010-10-30T10:05:00.001+08:00

"I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves."

— James Kavanaugh (There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves)

the infinite abyss

2010-10-29T13:12:00.003+08:00

I am a bit of a nerd. A soul nerd. But also a story nerd. One of the things I do for fun is track down and read the original scripts of my favourite movies, trying to find the true heart behind the story, which is often hidden within the polish of the finished product. They are pretty easy to find (all you need is a little Google sleuthing) and it is fascinating to get an idea of how the draft was moulded and amended to create a profitable film. Plus, it's great practice for writing the Oscar-winning screenplay based upon my Man Booker Prize-winning novel. (Just kidding.)

I watched Garden State when it was first released. I loved it right away, and it has since been one of my favourite movies. There is something refreshingly awkward about it. I like that it's not a perfectly flowing film. I like the often jarring, messy dialogue, peppered with moments of hilarity. I think that has something to do with the writer taking the role of the director and the lead actor. The fact that Zach Braff's protagonist, Large, is not the cookie-cutter Hollywood heartthrob but, rather, a confused, floppy haired "soul nerd" with a dopey expression plastered onto his face, is endearing. And, of course, nobody can help but fall head over heels in love with the adorable pathological liar, Sam, beautifully played by Natalie Portman. (That said, Rachel Hills writes a brilliant article on her character, as well as Kirsten Dunst's Claire in Elizabethtown, being "the alternative flat female fantasy".)

The funny thing is that I think I only just "got" Garden State. Only after watching it again, for the first time in about a year, and reading the original script, equipped with my present whimsy-ness and disillusionment, have I finally grasped the message that Zach was trying to portray. I mean, I have always appreciated the film, even when I watched it for the first time at the age of 15. But, oddly enough, I had never really understood it before now. Which I think is an accomplishment, on Zach's part, to create a film which somebody can enjoy without absorbing it at all. It shows how multi-layered and universal it is.

One of the analogies I have only just fully identified with is The Infinite Abyss. For those of you who don't know or don't remember, Large (Zach), Sam (Natalie) and Mark (Peter Sarsgaard) go on a little adventure towards the end of the film, trying to track down a momento (I won't spoil it). Their ultimate destination is a natural phemonenon, a huge underground crevice in the earth which was discovered during the construction of a new mall. There, they meet a family who live in a makeshift house, a boat on stilts, whose job it is to protect the quarry from the company who still want to build upon it. I guess I just like the idea of doing something completely unique, says Albert, the guardian of the infinite abyss. Something that has never been done before. Afterwards, Large, Sam and Mark stand in the pouring rain, on a tractor, wearing garbage bags, screaming into the chasm. And then Large and Sam kiss, for the first time. I had always disassociated myself from that moment, thinking that was just weird. But now I get the full picture; which is that the infinite abyss is, of course, life. We think that we are trapped, but we really have all the freedom in the world. And once we know it, we can use it. Tellingly, the film was supposed to be called Large's Ark, but nobody really understood what it meant.

Before this post ends, I just want to address the critics of this film. A lot of people hate it, with a passion. They say it is stupid, pointless, self-indulgent and boring. I won't dispute those reactions; everybody is entitled to their opinion and I don't doubt that they really felt that way about the film. I just wanted to say that I think that idiosyncrasy is what makes a great film, or website, or article, or book, or message. When you are watching or reading or hearing a story, those "aha" moments don't come when you come across an entirely universal, clichéd phrase or moment that you have seen a million times before. Those "shock treatments" occur when you come across something that you were convinced was completely unique to you... but watching or reading the piece makes you realise that, wow, actually, somebody else has had exactly the same thought or experience... isn't that funny? Those touching reactions can only be achieved with heartfelt honesty. They cannot be manufactured. And so, that is why I love films like Garden State. Of course, they are not for everybody. Which is exactly what makes them so special.

make problems your friends

2010-10-27T00:29:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I couldn't sleep, I resorted to one of my favourite procrastination tools: authors@Google. (Another favourite is The Book Depository, but I had no money.) I came across this talk by Tibetan master Mingyur Rinpoche, about the art of meditation. He is really wonderful: funny and warm and engaging. It is an hour long, so make yourself a cup of tea and get comfy. (If you can't spare an hour, just watch the first 15 minutes. You'll get the picture.)

What do you think? I bought his book, The Joy of Living, today. I can't wait to read it.

nobody loves you

2010-10-25T15:11:00.002+08:00

NB: I wrote this article a while ago to submit to a magazine. It didn't get picked up (I can kind of see why now... reading back on it, it is a little convoluted - too many adjectives and laden sentences, as usual!) so I thought I would post it here instead. I hope you like it.

There is an oft-repeated, much lauded piece of advice that gets my goat. It is recited by the well-meaning yet patronising acquaintance, dispensed as a generous pearl of wisdom to a needy friend or relative. The subject of their counsel is generally feeling a little lonely and vulnerable, searching for a bit of a boost from a loved one. Only this particular approach will not provide them with the buoyancy they are so hoping for. Instead, it will cement their despondency. You may have guessed it: You must love yourself before others can love you. Ouch.

I don’t know to whom it is that I can attribute this little gem. It is usually pawned off onto good ol’ Anonymous. Whoever it was, they must have been quite a sadist. You may disagree with me, at first. After all, it is generally quoted with unblinking authority. But please bear with me - this is a public service message. By the end of this piece, my hope is that each and every one of you fine readers will pledge never to take this tact with a grieving friend again. Ever. Unless, perhaps, you are exploiting it as a means of hurling your arch-enemy head-first into a pool of hurt and insecurity. Then, by all means, go ahead. (Jerk.)

Picture this: you are searching for love. You have been for quite a while. But, despite your best efforts – all your adorable outfits, come-hither eye contact with cute strangers and the topical novels you whip out of your bag on public transport – nobody has asked for your number or even struck up a conversation. You are feeling a little ugly and sad, so you share your heartache with a friend. And what do they tell you? It is your fault nobody finds you very attractive – precisely because you are feeling so lonely! THANK YOU VERY MUCH, you will think. I feel so much better now. Not. Hmph.

Okay, now imagine this scenario: you have finally found somebody who seems to like you. Maybe you have gone on a couple of dates with a colleague. Perhaps you played footsies with a gorgeous classmate during your Psychology tutorial. It could be that the person you have been crushing on since high school left an ambiguously sweet post on your Facebook wall. You feel elated, but at the same time, your self-doubts are surfacing. It is entirely possible that this will not work out the way I want it to, you think fretfully. I don’t look very good naked. I am extremely messy. I watch The Bachelor. When you voice your misgivings to a friend, they adopt a condescending tone, convincing you that those qualms will stand in the way of your happiness. They will never love you if you think like that, they say knowingly. You may as well just give up now. With that, your already wavering confidence has completely disintegrated and you feel even worse than before. That’s great, you will murmur under your breath. Just what I needed.

Now finally, envisage this: a seemingly viable relationship has broken down, for whatever reason. Maybe they never called after the first date. Perhaps the momentum fizzled out after a couple of months. It could be that your long-term partner has been caught cheating on you. So you call your friend and tell them how gutted you are that yet another love has been lost. You open up the deepest recesses of your heart and divulge your greatest fear: that the split was inevitable, because you are such a miserable excuse for a human being. Oh sweetie, they say in a sensible voice. Of course they rejected you. How on earth could they love you, if you don’t love yourself?

SHUT THE HELL UP, you will shout. What on earth would you know? I am great in bed and I cook a mean roast chicken. BUT IT JUST WASN’T MEANT TO BE. And it has nothing to do with me feeling fat and awkward and battling moments of self-doubt. Everybody does that. IT IS NATURAL. According to your daft logic, nobody could ever experience true love because nobody is completely happy with themselves. BUT LOVE EXISTS. SO YOU’RE WRONG. All I wanted was for somebody to tell me that I am perfectly attractive and nice and there are plenty more fish in the sea and, one day, I will meet the love of my life, when and where I least expect it. Somebody who will love every part of me, even the parts that I don’t. Is that so hard? Now, please leave me alone. I’m going to bed to cry and seek solace in a Mad Men marathon and mountains of Rocky Road. (Yum.)

(Picture via Biae)

a bundle

2010-10-25T09:48:00.001+08:00

"Here I am, a bundle of past recollections and future dreams, knotted up in a reasonably attractive bundle of flesh."

— Sylvia Plath

always on the side of the egg

2010-10-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

I came across an amazing speech by Haruki Murakami today. Last year, he was awarded the Jerusalem literary prize for the Freedom of the Individual in Society. Pro-Palestinian groups attempted to dissuade him from attending the ceremony, claiming that doing so would demonstrate his support for Israel's role in the Gaza conflict. Murakami considered their argument, but ultimately decided to accept his prize in person. An excerpt of his speech is posted below; you can read the entire piece at Hareetz.

So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came.

The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

...

Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war.

He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System.

That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.

(Picture via Flora Hanitijo)

be awake enough

2010-10-23T10:15:00.001+08:00

"I have no advice for anybody; except to, you know, be awake enough to see where you are at any given time, and how that is beautiful, and has poetry inside. Even places you hate."

— Jeff Buckley

On a lighter note... I probably should have mentioned yesterday how important I also think it is to, as Jeff Buckley says, be awake enough to experience the infinite beauty in the world. So here is a touching video by talented 17-year-old filmmaker Josh Beattie, who wrote, directed and composed the music to this gorgeous little film. Thank you to Natalie Perkins for the link, via her marvellous blog Definatalie.

To Claire: From Sonny

lucky

2010-10-22T13:56:00.001+08:00

I recently read a blog post by the lovely Becky Hunter, who suggested that we should take time to remember, every so often, that we are going to die (a tip she borrowed from the inspiring novelist Annie Lamott). I think that this is a great idea - although I think that we should mitigate that with the knowledge that we could, as Sarah Wilson points out, live until we are 120-years-old. These combined consciousnesses should encourage us to live fully, while pacing ourselves. Savouring each moment as if it were our last, while knowing that it probably won't be.

In the same vein, I propose that we take a moment, every so often, to acknowledge that we are incredibly lucky. I am painfully aware of the fact that I am privileged. It is not that I am particularly rich or connected (although, compared with much of the world, I am). It's just that as a woman living in a democratic, first-world country, with the freedom to seek education, make a living, marry whoever I want to, do whatever the hell I want with my life... the world is my oyster. Of course, that is not the case for many people, particularly women; whether due to politics, finances, religion, culture, illness or family circumstances. Consciously taking the focus off my own internal struggles makes me realise how small and trivial my "issues" truly are.

With that in mind, here are a few heart-breaking, yet incredibly important, articles you may find valuable.

Forced Abortions for Chinese Women | Al Jazeera
When I was 17, I watched a documentary in my Human Biology class which was burned into my memory. It canvassed the one-child policy in China, an attempt by the government to curtail its swelling population. A communist initiative, the policy places the rights of the collective above those of the individual. Forced abortions and sterilisations of Chinese women, which are not officially condoned by the central government but do, nonetheless, occur, are a gross violation of human rights, not only for the woman, but also for her fetus. The documentary I watched at 17 showed, in graphic detail, the termination of an eight-month-old fetus, a procedure which was tragically consented to by the exhausted mother after eight long months of haranguing by the local authorities, who receive bonuses according to the birth rate in their district. The woman's stomach is pierced with a lethal injection, killing the baby. She can feel it dying in her stomach, his or her little kicks gradually slowing, until it stops moving altogether. She then gives birth to a stillborn baby (yes, a baby - in Australia, a premature baby is viable at 24 weeks, or six months). Afterwards, she is sterilised. The video I have provided a link for, above, translates the intense sadness felt by a husband and wife who have recently endured such a forced abortion, also at eight months.

The Crimewave that Shames the World | The Independent | Robert Fisk

In this extensive article, Robert Fisk recounts countless honour killings, which have occurred throughout the world, over the last decade. These tragic deaths, perpetrated in the most barbarous of ways, usually by the victims' fathers, brothers or uncles, are reminders that, in some cultures, simply being born a woman is enough to warrant a brutal, unjustifiable murder. The excuses given for these killings include such "slights" as the woman being raped, a suspicion of premarital sex or refusal to acquiesce to an arranged marriage. The most hopeless aspect of these crimes is that they are often condoned, legally and culturally, leaving many of the murderers unpunished.

The Decade in Pictures | Pixcetera
These incredible photographs speak for themselves, prompting us to remember that our experience is just a speck in the expansive, intricate matrix that forms the, sometimes unrecognisable, world we live in.

It is so tempting to turn away from these excruciating stories; to feign ignorance and concentrate on our own happiness and fulfillment. I cannot emphasise enough how important I think it is to take heed of the unbearable things occurring around us, no matter how faraway they appear to be. If anything, as consumers, we need to support the journalists telling difficult stories, keeping callous governments and cultures accountable, bringing injustice to the forefront of our consciousness. For me, what really drives me in life, as in writing, is empathy. The knowledge that every single person in the world, no matter where they come from or what life they lead, feels pain and love and hurt and joy as keenly as I do, is enough for me to actively seek justice and fairness, and keep my own life in perspective.

10 day cycle

2010-10-21T17:07:00.006+08:00

It has been a while since I have done one of these! Meanwhile, the 10 Day Cycle has caught onto a few more lovely bloggers, including Jade of Jade's Musings and Hannah of Counter Obsession. (I would love to read anybody else's 10 Day Cycles, please send me a link if you are taking part!)

As I mentioned in one of my most recent posts, Infinity, I am currently rereading Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, a memoir about (as the name suggests) running. Naturally, the book also explores the way that Haruki's vigorous daily running regime shapes and enriches his beautiful writing and his quality of life. As I face a grueling series of exams, followed by a plan to dive head-first into NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month!) as soon as they conclude, I am in desperate need of at least a little of Haruki's discipline. As far as I can from reading his book, I think the key to Haruki's dedication to his chosen form of exercise is that he truly enjoys running; and his enjoyment has led to it morphing into somewhat of an addiction. Despite the negative connotations attached to addictions, being addicted to something that is good for you - one that enhances and controls your natural talent and livelihood- must be a positive thing, right?

So, with that said, the following are a few things that I want to implement over the next 10 days, and hopefully into the future:

... Swimming

Swimming may seem an odd choice of exercise for me. It is certainly not the most convenient or glamorous activity to choose, at least not for somebody as vain as I am. Don't worry, I am more than prepared. To alleviate the effects of the chlorine and salt water, I invested in a keratin hair treatment, low-maintenance hair colour (balayage) and a shopping spree at the delightful Kit Cosmetics (with a strict rule attached: the products I purchased there are only allowed to be used AT THE GYM).

So why have I chosen swimming, when it has required so much groundwork? I love the act of swimming itself. The gliding motion, the effortlessness, the gentleness. Getting lost in my own thoughts, focusing on pace and even breathing. The independence; I feel alone, but never lonely.

... Pomodoro technique

I have tried this focusing technique a few times, predominantly for last-minute essays and assignments, and it is brilliant. Sustaining it for the next month or so will be difficult, but I will need to if I want to ace my exams and get 50, 000 words written in two weeks!

Sarah Wilson explains the technique beautifully in this Sunday Life column, citing the real-life example of Ray Bradbury who, as a penniless freelance writer, wrote his classic novel Fahrenheit 451 in thirty minutes bursts, at the public library. You see, as Sarah explains, the discipline accessed through the Pomodoro technique allows us to access "flow": when we are so completely focused on the task at hand that time stops, distractions cease and much gets done.

... Transcendental meditation

I have tried this meditation technique sporadically, but I have been convinced that it needs to be a permanent, daily fixture in my life.

Two things led me to this conclusion:

1. Sarah Wilson's revelation that six weeks after discovering transcendental meditation, she landed the Masterchef gig. She meditated in the car before her audition; the casting team said that her confidence and poise were what impressed them so much that they gave her the covetable role. I need some of that.

2. Watching Eat Pray Love last week. Admission: when I read the book, I skipped most of the India chapter. I love Liz Gilbert but, as an unwavering atheist, I dismissed her plunge into the world of prayer as something I wouldn't be able to relate to in a million years. I was, however, intrigued by Balinese guru Ketut's take on things: "To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clear away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver."

... Blogging everyday

So, this whole writer's block thing. Apparently it's a crock... according to a multitude of impressive, professional writers.

"There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write."

— Terry Pratchett

"Writer's block? I've heard of this. This is when a writer cannot write, yes? Then that person isn't a writer anymore. I'm sorry, but the job is getting up in the fucking morning and writing for a living."

— Warren Ellis

"Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

— Steve Martin

"Writer's block doesn't exist...lack of imagination does."

— Cyrese Covelli

And, most cuttingly...

"Writer's block…a lot of howling nonsense would be avoided if, in every sentence containing the word WRITER, that word was taken out and the word PLUMBER substituted; and the result examined for the sense it makes. Do plumbers get plumber's block? What would you think of a plumber who used that as an excuse not to do any work that day?

The fact is that writing is hard work, and sometimes you don't want to do it, and you can't think of what to write next, and you're fed up with the whole damn business. Do you think plumbers don't feel like that about their work from time to time? Of course there will be days when the stuff is not flowing freely. What you do then is MAKE IT UP. I like the reply of the composer Shostakovich to a student who complained that he couldn't find a theme for his second movement. “Never mind the theme! Just write the movement!” he said.

Writer's block is a condition that affects amateurs and people who aren't serious about writing. So is the opposite, namely inspiration, which amateurs are also very fond of. Putting it another way: a professional writer is someone who writes just as well when they're not inspired as when they are."

— Philip Pullman

Harsh, yes? I think I needed to hear it, though. "Writer's block" evokes the idea of a kind of ailment; one which is out of the writer's control and can only be overcome with time or, as Pullman says icily, inspiration. I think these writers are right when they say that writer's block is an excuse concocted by failing, depleted wordsmiths, whose self-doubts are quelling their creative spirit. Clearly, it is something that needs to be conquered, if I ever want to succeed as a writer. In an interview I conducted recently, with one of my favourite Australian columnists, Susan Maushart, she divulged her very sage advice for aspiring writers: Write as if it were a job, not a hobby (or it always will be). So you can expect more blogging from here on out (but please don't be disappointed if I lapse; I am hopeful, but fallible).

... Joy

Discipline can be very, very dull... So I intend to alleviate that dullness with little bursts of joy. Lunch at my favourite French cafe. Reading. Blogging. Staying up late to watch Dexter and Six Feet Under in bed, with my boyfriend. Writing lists.

... Sleep
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Glorious sleep, which I am so fond of in the mornings, but not so much at nighttime (when I can think of a million better things to do), will be vital to a fluid, dynamic, fruitful day. Hopefully, it will work itself out, as long as I expend lots and lots of energy each day so that I am desperate for my head to hit the pillow, at a reasonable hour, in the evenings.

So that is all for me! What do you have in store for the next 10 days? Exams? Exercise? Shopping? Reading something exciting? I would love to hear from you :)

the essence

2010-10-17T01:35:00.001+08:00

"When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant."

— Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

sliding through life on charm

2010-10-17T01:33:00.004+08:00

infinity

2010-10-17T01:28:00.000+08:00

Have you ever once in your life reached out to touch infinity?

I read that query somewhere and it stayed with me... and got me thinking about lifestyle design. I learned about the term itself on Free Pursuits, but the concept has already been loosely canvassed by some of my favourite writers, such as Sarah Wilson, Elizabeth Gilbert (I watched Eat Pray Love this week and unashamedly loved it), Louisa Deasey and Penelope Green; and pioneered by Tim Ferriss, who wrote 4 Hour Work Week (which I also loved). Simply put, we can build our own lives - and our own happiness - from the ground up, starting today. The premise is that we don't have to put our lives on hold; we don't have to work hard now with the intention of reaping the benefits later, once we have retired. If we are willing to work smart, eschew conventional expectations and embrace innovation, we can, as Corbett Barr of Free Pursuits puts so succinctly, live the life we want, now.

I guess the first step of this process is actually figuring out what we want. It's not that we have to painstakingly plan every little thing that we foresee in our future. It is natural that our dreams and goals will change, often drastically, over time, according to new influences, ideologies and the people who enter our lives. It is more like a rough map. This may be an obscure reference, but has anybody watched Six Feet Under? (If you haven't, you should - if only to witness the amazing breadth of Michael C. Hall's acting talent.) If you have, you may remember a story-line in the second season where Ruth is preoccupied with building her figurative house which is, essentially, a blueprint for her life. In the show, poor Ruth eventually gives up in the face of her endlessly disastrous family circumstances (and the whole concept is made light of as some kind of "cult" ideology)... but it is the idea of the "blueprint" that intrigues me.

I have explored and identified my "wants" in the past, through this blog, as well as the things I want to do in my lifetime. Although I have a pretty clear picture of all those things, I still feel scattered. I think that is because I don't have a good foundation upon which I can build those dreams. I need to figure out what I want right now, as opposed to sometime in the distant future. Taking tangible baby steps, as opposed to leaps and bounds of the imagination.

Right now, I am rereading Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. I loved it the first time I read it but, because I am in a different place now to where I was then, I am finding a whole new level of meaning and relevance this time around. A memoir centred upon running may sound a little strange, but it is pretty amazing. I don't know if you have already noticed, but I am kind of into discovering kindred spirits, and I feel as though I am a kindred spirit of Haruki's. Everything he says, I get, no matter how seemingly odd or obscure. (Totally one-sided, of course). He is a Japanese, male version of me. Who likes running. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that he writes:

"I am struck by how, except when you're young, you really need to prioritize in life, figuring out in what order you should divide up your time and energy. If you don't get that sort of system set by a certain age, you'll lack focus and your life will be out of balance."

That is exactly what I feel as though I need to work on. Prioritising, in order to achieve balance. Of course, it is the one thing I really struggle with. I think it is because I am still young, that I find it hard to commit to one thing without holding onto other options, just in case. I am too scared to dedicate myself too much to one aspect of life, in the fear of having to let go of other possibilities, even if I am not very attached or passionate about them at all. And so I stretch myself too far and end up not excelling at anything much. I think that once I embrace those things which I know to be most important to me (writing, reading, love, friendships, family... not necessarily in that order), I can create some order, a semblance of productivity and, ultimately, success. As I have heard Liz Gilbert phrase it, a ladder extending into my fanciful future, the castle in the sky.

That said, perhaps Jonathon Franzen was right when he said:

"Imagine that human existence is defined by an Ache: the Ache of our not being, each of us, the center of the universe; of our desires forever outnumbering our means of satisfying them."

So maybe dissatisfaction is an inevitable part of life. I would like to think that is not true. I would like to think that we can all achieve a state of being which involves pure happiness and fulfillment; one where we can take a moment to look upon our lives and heave a sigh of pleasure and gratification, unencumbered by any inkling of restlessness or discontent. The thing is, I don't think that disposition is a destination so much as a mindset, which can be formed at any point in our lives. I think the key is not to worry too much about how close we are to achieving our ultimate state of bliss but, rather, to enjoy the journey itself. After all, as Ned says in Pushing Daisies:

"We wake up everyday with a list of wishes, and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true. But just because we want them, doesn’t mean that we need them to be happy."

(Photographs via Sallskapdans and Pearled)

P.S. Reading back upon this post... wow, that is a lot of tangents. (See, I told you. Scattered!) Apologies.

some things I am loving this week

2010-10-12T17:50:00.000+08:00

1. What will future generations condemn us for? by Kwame Anthony Appiah

This brilliant article for the Washington Post (which is fast becoming my favourite publication for thoughtful, considered journalism) contemplates what our children and children's children will look back on in dismay and wonder... What were people thinking? Kwame outlines three signs that a current practice is destined for future condemnation: arguments against the practice; counter-arguments invoking tradition, human nature or necessity, as opposed to morals; and supporters engaging what Kwame terms "strategic ignorance" of the realities of the practice, usually the human cost. This is definitely piece of writing that opens your mind and makes you question the state of society today.

2. Carey Mulligan for Vogue Magazine

Isn't she adorable? If you haven't seen An Education yet, you must. You can see the full shoot here, at Tom and Lorenzo's blog.

As I side note, reading Tom and Lorenzo's evaluation of this shoot led me to realise that there are different appreciations of beauty amongst different groups. Of course, I am grossly generalising here and I mean absolutely no offence but, for example, heterosexual men tend to love Megan Fox; gay men are smitten with Cate Blanchett; and women love Sarah Jessica Parker (whose beauty a lot of men just cannot fathom). So the criteria seems to be: straight men, sexiness; gay men, fabulousness (which equates to confidence and put-togetherness - not a word, I know!); and women, quirkiness, style, prettiness. Of course that does not take into consideration the extremely wide spectrum of inclinations within each of those groups, but it does show that there is an infinite amount of space in the world for the celebration and appreciation of all kinds of beauty (and not just that "perfection" found on the red carpet and the pages of fashion magazines).

3. Vanilla Scented's "crib"

Openness, simplicity and lightness... just gorgeous.

4. It Gets Better, by Dan Savage

This video is part of the It Gets Better campaign which aims to fight suicide amongst gay teens. Dan and Terry explain that high school is not life; as soon as it is over, we are free to create a wonderful, amazing life - the best revenge to those awful bullies who plague high school years for anybody who is a little different (and doesn't expend all their energy trying to hide it).

5. This Simone de Beauvoir quote

"I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life, I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger."

- Simone de Beauvoir

trust your heart

2010-10-10T16:30:00.006+08:00

Trust your heart

if the seas catch fire,

live by love

though the stars walk backward.

ee cummings

beauty secrets, part 4: makeup overview

2010-10-05T22:30:00.014+08:00

Welcome to Part 4 of my "beauty secrets" series. There are still many skincare products to peruse, but I felt like deviating a little to share some of my favourite makeup products with you before I get to exfoliators, masks and targeted treatments.

When it comes to my own makeup look, I prefer a pared-down, pretty aesthetic: fresh, radiant skin, soft pink cheeks and lips, subtle bronzer and understated eye makeup. I do experiment but I always fall back on this kind of look, not unlike the beautiful Clemence Poesy in this picture (or at least that is what I would like to think!):

So here are a few of my "holy grail" products. It is not an exhaustive list, but these are definitely some of my all-time favourite finds.

1. Giorgio Armani Designer Shaping Cream Foundation

I am constantly searching for the "perfect" foundation - but only because I am devoted to finding one which will make me look as though I am not wearing any! This beautiful cream foundation by Giorgio Armani is a star. It is a full coverage foundation, so perfect for special occasions or bad skin days, with a flattering satin finish. I simply dot it onto my skin and blend it with my fingers. With virtually no effort, I have a flawless complexion and subtle glow, and no tell-tale signs of foundation to be seen. Gorgeous!

2. By Terry Rose de Rose Sheer Liquid Blush in Fresh Rose

I must admit that I am biased here. By Terry is one of my favourite brands in the world. Of course, it is hideously expensive so I cannot afford many of the products, but nevertheless I do have a few stowed away in my drawer, only to be used for special occasions (such as going to the supermarket and studying in the library). The creator of the brand, Terry de Gunzburg, originally invented the much-lauded Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat.

This product is just so lovely. A sheer liquid blush that smells like fresh roses, it gives such a pretty, radiant flush on the cheeks. I deposit half a pump onto the back of my hand and use my Nars brush to sweep it onto the apples of my cheeks, then swirl the excess onto my temples and through the centre of my face for extra luminosity.

3. Nars Bronzing Powder in Laguna

Most people who have never used this product tend to be very wary of bronzer, due to the common phenomena of orange, dirty-looking, stripy faces wandering the streets! Don't despair. Those poor girls are just using the wrong bronzer (and probably not using it correctly, either).

The beauty of this cult product is that it truly mimics the look of a natural tan. It is neither orange, nor green (as some tanning products are, to counteract the orange); it is just natural. The best way to apply bronzing powder is to lightly sweep a brush like the Nars (below) in a three-shape on either side of the face; along the periphery of the forehead, under the cheek bones (below your blush) and beneath the jaw line. The idea is to deposit your bronzer where shadows would naturally form on your face, to provide depth and definition, as well as warmth. You can use your bronzer as a blush, but it is not the most flattering way to wear it (and may result in the afore-mentioned stripy look).

4. Chantecaille Lip Chic in Camellia

I discovered this lipstick only recently and it is divine. (I have two tubes, just in case I misplace one!) It has the most beautiful hydrating, glossy texture I have come across and the colour I use, Camellia, is the perfect shade of nude pink. Tea Rose is also gorgeous, if you prefer a deeper pigment, and Sari Rose is an ideal warm nude.

Chantecaille is also one of my favourite brands. The products are chic and of beautiful quality, and I also love the brand's ethos, particularly their animal activism and social awareness campaigns.

5. Chanel Nail Vernis in Splendeur

I know, I know, it is ridiculous to spend so much on a nail polish. This one (a gift from my lovely friend Kimberley) is just so beautiful though... And I swear, it's not just the elegant packaging and the prestigious label that won me over. The formula is the best I have used, and the pink pigment is so vivid. Just one coat (no base coat, no top coat) gives me a perfect manicure that lasts for days without chipping. I just love it.

6. Nars Yachiyo Kabuki Brush

This all-in-one makeup brush is wonderful. I use it to apply tinted moisturiser, foundation, blush, bronzer, face powder, (a faint wash of) eyeshadow... everything! The soft bristles and dome-shaped head is perfect for airbrushing liquid foundation onto the skin, contouring the cheeks and touching up through the T-zone. Plus, it fits perfectly into a little clutch on nights out!

As always, feel free to ask any questions in the comments section. Please keep in mind that I will be gradually revisiting every makeup category (primer, foundation, concealer, blush, eyeshadow, mascara... etcetera!) which will provide much more specific insight and information. This is just a little taste!

dear readers

2010-10-03T11:25:00.001+08:00

My lovely readers, far and wide,

I am writing this post in the form of a letter because want to chat with you candidly, heart-to-heart. You see, I have been experiencing some self-doubts. Rest assured that I am not writing this because I need or want you to lavish me with praise to inflate my bruised ego. I would just like to be completely honest with you, openly disclosing the thought processes that colour my writing. I don't want to harbour any misconceptions about what I am offering to you.

The doubts I have been experiencing stemmed from my love of browsing other people's blogs. Within the last few months, I have come across a number of wonderful ones, like Rachel Hills' Musings of an Inappropriate Woman, Thea Easterby's Write Change Grow and Corrine's Frock and Roll. These blogs, as well as the many others I regularly peruse, provide an avalanche of tips for an inexperienced writer/blogger like me, amongst other things. Those tips include regular posting, quality content, layout guidelines, self-promotion, catering to your audience, effective headlines and search engine optimisation. There are also multitudes writing tips provided by various sites catering to aspiring writers. Don't use adverbs, prune away adjectives, show don't tell, etcetera. At first, I found myself carefully noting each of these tips, planning how I would implement each of them, in order to ensure that I was being a good blogger. Until it all just came crashing down on my shoulders and I thought, what on earth am I doing?

Don't get me wrong, I still think all those blogs are great. The girls who write them are absolutely lovely, and their beautifully worded, considered content is designed to inspire. The tips they provide, out of the kindness of their hearts, are very helpful, for somebody who wishes to launch and nurture a successful blog. The thing is, my self-imposed immersion into the "pro-blogger" world made me lose sight of what I really wanted to achieve here. I have come to realise that, as strange as it may sound, a successful blog isn't my goal. I want it to be good, yes. But my definition of a good blog is its propensity to touch the people who read it. I do not hold any pretenses that my blog is representative or has the potential to be widely received. I do think, however, that I have kindred spirits out there and, already, more than I could have ever imagined have somehow congregated here. Which is just lovely.

So with those thoughts clouding my mind, I had to take myself back to when I first started this blog. It was almost a year ago. I had no lofty ambitions, to be honest. I just wanted to share my inspirations with my friends and whomever happened to pass by. At that stage I didn't do much of my own writing (at least, not in the public sphere) or dream of having a career as a writer. I have the burgeoning of my blog to thank for that newly realised aspiration, for providing a platform upon which I could quietly nurture my voice and build my confidence. Even so, I have no misplaced hopes that this humble webpage could ever grant me a fully-fledged writing career on a silver platter or, more hilariously, launch me into stardom.

I mean, let's all be honest. Everybody blogs these days. Everybody who reads blogs, anyway. And I truly think that is a wonderful thing. I love that blogs have provided people with a means of voicing their opinions and creating a subversive universe in which everybody is welcome. It is just that, for me, blogging provides a sanctuary and the last thing I want is fame. Who wants fame? It sounds awful, to me. (Not that I think this blog is worthy of fame; just to make the point that it is not an aspiration of mine.) So when people link to my blog, I am immensely flattered, but also scared. With a larger audience comes a greater risk for those anonymous comments to surface, ridiculing my hard work, my heart bleeding onto a webpage. We've all seen them. Some of you may have experienced it yourself. It's not that I am allowing the existence of these bullies to inhibit me. I would just rather avoid them.

Which brings me to why I am writing this post. It's an apology, to my loyal readers. There are not many of you, and for that reason I feel a close affinity with all of you, even those of you I haven't heard from yet. I have a deeply rooted desire to encourage you to read my blog and for my words to inspire you, in some small way. At the same time, I know that I cannot let myself get bogged down in these blogging "rules". I don't want to post everyday because I have to do. I don't want to force ideas upon you out of fear that your interest will wane, and your readership will slip from my grasp. With that comes desperation and staleness; which I am sure will turn you off, just as surely.

So I am going to write when I feel like it. I am going to do my best to ensure that my posts are quality, but sometimes they may be inane, peppered with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. They may be overly long and ranty. I will scatter as many adjectives and adverbs amongst my prose I please. I will shroud the title of my posts in mystery, making it as hard as possible for people to find my blog. My hope is that once you have found it, a needle in the elaborate, convoluted haystack that is the internet, you won't leave.

With that said, I would like to thank each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for appreciating my writing. Thank you for your lovely comments. Thank you for waiting patiently between posts. Thank you for recommending it to your friends. Thank you for coming back. Just THANK YOU, to the moon and back! And may I say (knock on wood) that I have never, ever had a nasty comment on my blog. I would like to think that is because my blog has attracted lovely, kind, thoughtful, like-minded readers, who have no understanding of why on earth people would want to make personal attacks upon guileless strangers online. My greatest hope is that it remains that way.

With love,

Laura xx

my 10 things

2010-10-01T21:10:00.004+08:00

Today, Sarah Wilson posted a list of her 10 essential things, as inspired by mnmlist. I loved it, and so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and write one of my own. The idea is to diverge from the traditional lists provided by celebrities in glossy magazines, listing their favourite lipglosses and designer jeans as things they just cannot live without. I'll admit that I am not quite as virtuous as Sarah, and so my pleasures are not quite so organic - I do have a weakness for pleasures of a materialistic, superfluous or luxurious nature. I am trying to improve myself in that way, but it is so hard to resist the consumer culture around me that never fails to convince me that my life will be complete once I have that book, those shoes or that mascara in my possession. Of course, the purchase only propels me to want something else. I never learn! My first instinct was to hold off on writing this post until I was better; "cured", you might say, of my Achilles' heel. But in the end, I decided to just be completely honest; and once the list was completed, I realised that it wasn't so bad, after all.

1. What I wear: like Sarah, I tend to wear the same things over and over. Over winter, I wore my Morrison dresses, leopard scarf, ballerina flats and Ode to No-One jacket almost everyday. (You can see them here.) If it was cold, I would replace the jacket with my pink wool Alannah Hill coat. Now the weather is hotter, I wear a Morrison dress (my favourite is a white cotton) with sandals.

2. What I eat: bad things, generally! But one food I really love that nourishes me to the core is salmon. I buy it in bulk at the local seafood shop and poach it, a few at a time. That way, I have a yummy lunch for uni that fills me up and gives me the brain power to get me through the afternoon. Oh, and it makes my skin glow!

3. How I hydrate: In winter, I drink green tea. T2 is my favourite. When summer comes around, I make my own juices. I have a blender and a juicer so I mix all sorts of concoctions together (whatever my mum has bought at the shops that week). It's fun.

4. My essential writing tool: Synotes, on my iPad. It is just a simple note-taking app but there is something about it that makes ideas flow. I use it to brainstorm at least once a day.

5. My essential online aid: same as Sarah, Instapaper. It's brilliant.

6. What delights me: the warm, welcoming, enveloping hug from my boyfriend Andy when we haven't seen each other in a while. We have been together for nearly seven years but he still gives me butterflies.

7. What inspires me: definitely Sarah's blog, no secret there. If I need a little extra, I will visit my oft-neglected tumblr feed or StumbleUpon, another iPad app that scrounges up webpages according to what interests me (poetry, articles, pictures).

8. How I find "space": as I have mentioned before, I find it really hard to switch off. Whenever I am within the grasp of an internet connection, book or tv, I feel the need to feed my mind, even when that food isn't exactly nourishing. The only time I really have no option other than to take a break is while I am driving. I have to do a lot of driving; it is 30 minutes to Andy's house, 20 minutes to uni, somewhere in between to work. My car radio broke over a year ago so when I am in the car, I think. I often talk to myself. Sometimes, if I need a little gentle inspiration, I will listen to some familiar music on my iPhone or iPad. Joshua Radin, Scott Spark, John Mayer, Ben Lee, Missy Higgins and Florence and the Machine are my favourites.

9. My guilty pleasure: there are a lot of them, but one of them is buying books. I love visiting bookstores (my favourite is here) and I rarely walk away without having bought a book (or ten) that caught my eye. The problem is that I just don't have time to read them all, and I can never commit to just one at any one time because there are so many delicious options.

10. What nourishes me: those inspirational videos on YouTube, like this. They fill up my heart and remind me that the world really is full of love and warm, fuzzy moments. Oh, and quotes. I love finding a snippet of somebody else's thoughts that reflect my own fears, hopes or musings.

I would love to hear other people's 10 things. Please share them in the comments or write a blog post and post a link here, if you are so inclined! x

decorate your own soul

2010-09-28T20:55:00.003+08:00

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.”

— Veronica A. Shoffstall

beauty secrets, part three: sunscreens

2010-09-28T19:59:00.006+08:00

Summer has well and truly arrived here in Perth. (To tell the truth, it is strictly only the beginning of spring but Perth is lucky enough to experience almost six months of summer each year!) Its onset this year was accompanied by a sudden change in the air, which extends beyond warmer weather and sunnier skies. It is more like a feeling, an atmosphere, of clarity and freshness, which tends to make one feel guilty for sleeping in late and staying indoors all day (in the best way possible). Suddenly, frittering time away at my laptop seems wasteful and I have been imbued with a renewed desire to do things. It may sound silly, but it is true!

So, onto my third beauty post. I am so sorry to change tact midway through this series, but I have decided to break my beauty posts up into product categories. The marathon posts were a little overwhelming (for me, as I'm sure they were for you as well!) and I would like to be more specific and give you more choices for each category.

Today I will be writing about sunscreen, and aging in general (so you don't necessarily need to skip this if you are already a sunscreen connoisseur!). And another apology ensues, because this will be a bit of a bossy rant. Sorry! But, trust me, if you heed my advice you will thank me in twenty years, if not sooner.

To put it succinctly: WEAR SUNSCREEN. It is that simple. Wear it everyday. Wear it in summer. Wear it in spring. Wear it in autumn and winter. Wear it in the mornings. Wear it at midday. Wear it in the afternoon. Just wear it. Everyday, all day. Capiche?

Let me break it down for you in FAQs.

1. Why should I wear sunscreen?

There are two highly compelling arguments for wearing sunscreen daily. Firstly, because sun exposure makes you look old. Secondly, and of course most importantly, because sun exposure can kill you.

Those two statements may precipitate a couple of questions: how does sunscreen accelerate the aging process? and how can it kill me?

I will try to explain this in a way that is easy for everybody to understand. If you have anymore questions, please don't hesitate to ask me in the comments section!

Science shows that environmental aggressors such as pollution, smoking, alcohol and, beyond all else, UV rays can wreak havoc on the skin. To put it simply, the UV rays stimulate an over-abundance of oxygen molecules in our bloodstream which, in turn, causes the proliferation of a process called oxidation, which is closely related to free radical damage. It is difficult to explain (and I am no scientist) but oxidation is the process whereby an oxygen molecule steals an electron molecule from a pair of electrons (electrons always travel in pairs). The lone electron (known as a free radical) then seeks out another partner, thereby stealing it from another electron pair, and so on, so forth, in a never-ending avalanche of cell destruction.

Why is free radical damage so bad? Well, it isn't so bad, on its own anyway. Of course, it is inevitable that we will have oxygen molecules in our blood. We do need to breathe in oxygen, after all, which is why the aging process is inevitable. No matter how much sunscreen we wear throughout our lifetime, we will gradually look older; when we are adults, our skin will not be as taut or radiant as it was when we were children. However, it has been conclusively proven that sunscreen can make a vital difference when it comes to slowing down the aging process.

Here is a list of the things that free radical damage does to our skin:

(a) Slows down our cellular turnover. When our skin is healthy, it will regenerate itself every six weeks, which means that we are constantly being gifted with fresh, new, glowy cells. Free radical damage slows down that process, meaning that we are left with old dead skin cells on the surface of our skin, which makes our skin look lacklustre and gives it a rough, coarse texture.

(b) Layers our cells unevenly. When the production of new skin cells is thwarted by free radical damage, the cells that are produced tend to be a funny shape and they don't lay flat and evenly on our skin's surface. This means that the light doesn't bounce off them like it does healthy cells, making our skin appear duller. It also means that water can easily escape our from intracellular fluid (the fluid between our cells) into the atmosphere, making our skin parched and dehydrated (which equates to crepiness and flakiness).

(c) Produces excess melanin. This is a big one. When we are exposed to the sun, our skin produces melanin to protect itself. Free radical damage causes the enzyme tyrosinase to be produced erratically, which means that melanin is distributed unevenly, resulting in sun spots, freckling and uneven pigmentation, which become more and more prevalent as we get older. I don't mean to offend anybody by saying this, but just to reiterate the importance of sunscreen (and the undesirability of tanning): studies have shown that a uniform skin tone is more indicative of age than lines and wrinkles. (Keep in mind that, especially for pale skin, some freckling is unavoidable, and I think it is gorgeous.)

Please see a previous post, Nature v Nurture, for photographic evidence!

And, in answer to the second query, how can the sun kill me?, free radical damage also...

(d) Causes cancer, the most serious form being melanoma, which is deadly. How many of us have had parents and grandparents have to have cancerous moles removed from their face, hands and forearms? Surely you would want to spare yourself that fate, simply by applying a bit of sunscreen everyday!

2. What does SPF mean?

SPF, or sun protection factor, doesn't refer to strength, as is a common misconception. It refers to time.

In order to figure out how long your sunscreen will protect you, just multiply the amount of time it takes for you to burn in direct sunlight without sunscreen (usually 5-10 minutes) with the SPF of your sunscreen. So, for example, if you are wearing an SPF15 sunscreen, and it takes you 10 minutes to burn in the sun, you have 150 minutes of protection. Likewise, the same person would have 300 minutes of protection. That is why it is so important to wear a high SPF, so you will be protected all day long.

Please note that the Therapeutic Goods Association in Australia has very, very high standards when it comes to sunscreens, which is why many international brands' sunscreen products are not available in Australia. Also, the TGA does not allow brands to market their sunscreens as being any higher than SPF30. So if you are using a sunscreen with SPF40 or SPF50, it will be labelled SPF30+. The reason behind it is that Australia's sun is a lot stronger than anywhere else in the world, and the TGA is concerned that people will get a false sense of security if they believe that they have eight hours of infallible sun protection.

Keep in mind that if you are spending the day in direct sunlight - i.e. at the beach - then it is important to reapply, even if you are not going in the water. Your sunscreen may melt from the heat, sweat and rubbing on clothes or towels.

I would recommend that everybody wears SPF30+ everyday. And just so you know - wearing an SPF15 primer and an SPF15 moisturiser does not mean that you have double the protection! As I said, SPF is time, not strength, so you will still have 150 minutes in the sun before you need to reapply.

3. What does "broad spectrum" mean?

Broad spectrum refers to whether or not the sunscreen offers protection from both UVA and UVB rays. UVA rays are the strongest rays. They penetrate beneath the surface of the skin, causing the cell damage and, ultimately, cancer. On the other hand, UVB rays damage the surface of the skin, causing the effects that we can see, like burning and peeling.

The SPF refers to your protection against UVB rays. Unless your sunscreen is labelled as "broad spectrum", it will not protect you against UVA rays. The ingredients that provide UVA protection are zinc oxide, titanium dioxide and avobenzone. Unfortunately, in Australia there is a loophole whereby cosmetics companies are not required to divulge the ingredients they use in their sunscreens because they are considered pharmaceutical goods. Thankfully, every single sunscreen on Australian shelves undergoes vigorous testing by the TGA and they are labelled accurately as being "broad spectrum" or not according to the effectiveness of their ingredients.

4. What is the difference between physical and chemical sunscreens?

A physical sunscreen contains zinc oxide and/or titanium dioxide. They sit on the surface of the skin and deflect the sun's rays. A chemical sunscreen contains ingredients like avobenzone. They absorb and neutralise the sun's rays.

The commonly held belief is that chemical sunscreens are less effective than their physical counterparts. That is not necessarily the case. From my understanding (it is a contentious issue, but I have done some research on the matter to make sure), you can choose your sunscreen purely by the SPF and whether or not it is broad spectrum; you do not have to worry too much about the ingredients themselves. If you would rather avoid chemicals, then by all means choose a physical sunscreen (although your physical sunscreen will also contain chemicals).

5. Can I get by with just a moisturiser/ foundation/ powder/ primer that contains sunscreen?

No, you cannot - unless you are willing to use a full teaspoon of moisturiser/foundation/ powder/primer all over your face, which is generally far too much product, therefore not attractive nor economical. The exception would be if you have exceptionally dry skin and your moisturiser contains SPF30+, in which case you may feel that a teaspoon is the amount of moisturiser you need each morning (although you probably just need a richer cream).

6. But don't I need Vitamin D?

Yes, you do need Vitamin D! However, the hype surrounding Vitamin D deficiency has been too quick to pin the blame upon increased usage of sunscreen. The truth is that in order to get sufficient Vitamin D, all we need is five per cent of our bodies exposed to direct sunlight, 15 minutes per day. That is simply hanging out the washing, taking a quick walk or even driving the car with one of your forearms exposed. I think the issue underlying low Vitamin D levels is not sunscreens but the fact that people are not spending as much time outdoors.

If you are concerned about your Vitamin D levels, keep in mind that you don't need to wear it absolutely everywhere, but you should definitely wear it on your face, neck, decolletage and the backs of your hands.

7. Do I really need to wear sunscreen in winter?

Not necessarily. You only need to wear sunscreen when the UV index is above 3. You can check the Cancer Council website for the daily index.

If it is very cloudy and rainy outside then it may be safe to say that you don't need to wear sunscreen that day. However, we (most of the people reading this blog, anyway!) live in Australia, where winter is accompanied by clear skies. Those days, you generally do need to wear sunscreen. Rather than chopping and changing according to how the weather looks in the mornings, or checking the Cancer Council website daily, why not just get into the habit of applying your sunscreen everyday as part of your beauty regime? You won't even have to think about it!

8. But sunscreens are greasy and heavy and they don't smell very nice!

Yes, that is true - for some! But let me tell you, there are also some really lovely sunscreens out there, waiting for to enthrall and impress you and encourage you to take pleasure in wearing them every single day - which is the very reason I wrote this post.

A few of my favourites include:

Clarins UV Plus Protection Day Screen SPF30+

I wear this beautiful Clarins sunscreen everyday, without fail. The light, fluid texture is absolutely divine and it smooths out my skin perfectly, acting as a primer when I am too lazy to wear any. It leaves no white cast at all. It is oil-free with a silky matte finish, but not drying in the slightest. The tube is tiny but strangely lasts me months and months. It is an investment but absolutely worth it.

Becca Mineral SPF30+ Primer

I know I said that you cannot use your primer as your sunscreen, but this lovely product is an exception. It is an oil-free, mineral-based, zinc sunscreen that is beautifully lightweight and has the added bonus of keeping makeup fresh all day long. It feels like nothing on the skin.

Mecca Cosmetica To Save Face SPF30+

This sunscreen is absolutely lovely. I wear it when my skin is feeling a little dehydrated during winter or when I am sick because it contains hyaluronic acid (that magical water-binding agent I spoke about in an earlier post). It is also imbued with Vitamin E and pomegranate extract, antioxidants which aid in neutralising those pesky free radicals. This is the product that I use on my decolletage and hands daily. It would be a perfect choice for those of you who need hydration without the accompanying greasiness.

Kit Cosmetics SPF30+ Face Sunscreen

The Kit sunscreen is very similar to the Mecca product, as they are manufactured by the same company. The Kit version is fragrance-free with a slightly lighter, matte finish. Also, the tube is extra cute!

Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Daily Face Sunscreen Lotion SPF30+

I have included a more economical product because I know that not everybody can or wants to spend a lot of money on their skincare products. As I mentioned in my last post, I am ridiculously inexperienced when it comes to budget products so I have enlisted the help of my lovely friend Jessica of BelleLumiere to write me a review...

I love the Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Daily Face Sunscreen Lotion because it is lightweight, oil free (great for oily skinned girls like myself), sinks easily into the skin and does not leave the dreaded sunscreen "grease" layer on the face. Retailing for $11.95 AUD, it's one of the best low price point facial sunscreens on the market.

So that wraps up my third beauty post! Please let me know if you have any comments, queries or feedback :)

the diary of anaïs nin

2010-09-25T18:57:00.012+08:00

It was with high hopes that I ordered The Diary of Anaïs Nin Volume 1 (1931-1934) online, and it arrived at my house via airmail just a couple of days ago. I know this may sound soppy and/or presumptuous but, after reading just one chapter, I already know that we are kindred spirits. (Although she is clearly much more eloquent and insightful; she is a literary genius, after all.)

When I look at the large green iron gate from my window it takes on the air of a prison gate. An unjust feeling, since I know I can leave the place whenever I want to, and since I know that human beings place upon an object, or a person, this responsibility of being the obstacle when the obstacle lies always within one's self.

In spite of this knowledge I always stand at the window staring at the large closed iron gate, as if hoping to obtain from the contemplation a reflection of my inner obstacles to a full, open life.

* * *

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe that you are living. Then you read a book (Lady Chatterly, for instance), or you take a trip... and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.

Some never awaken. They are like the people who go to sleep in the snow and never awaken. But I am not in danger because my home, my garden, my beautiful life do not lull me. I am aware of being in a beautiful prison, from which I can only escape by writing.

I think every one of us has experienced the "shock treatment" Anaïs writes of. It is that spark of inspiration we feel when we come across someone or something that simply speaks to our heart. You know, that "ah ha" moment that gives us the impression that we are sharing our lives with others; that we are not the "only one". Sometimes that glimmering revelation reflects our deepest, darkest fears. Other times we are presented with what our lives are missing. Perhaps we may be reminded of the past; a forgotten moment, feeling or hope. These epiphanies shake us to our core, waking us up from the routine of our everyday lives and prompting us to reassess. It may be that we have meandered from our course; it could be that an unrealised dream lies laden within us; we may have lost our spirit; or, alternatively, we are on the right path, but harbour unfounded self-doubts. Whatever it is that we discover, we have been granted the opportunity to resume our lives with a newfound consciousness, afresh.

I am constantly trying to inspire myself; I admit that I have become quite addicted to these "shock treatments". I use this blog to share them with others, though I think it is inevitable that not everybody will relate to everything I post. You know when you read or see or meet somebody or something so profound that you feel compelled to show others, and they just don't respond the same way? I feel as though writing a blog is like that. I really hope that you can see where I am coming from; but if you can't, that is okay. It's not my fault, nor yours. We are just not in the same place, at least not at this moment in time.

You may have already noticed, but just so you know, things that have moved me include Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Sarah Wilson's blog, Haruki Murakami quotes, (500) Days of Summer, every Missy Higgins song, Benjamin Law's pieces in frankie magazine, Elizabethtown (the fifth time I watched it), Alain de Botton's twitter feed, Barack Obama's speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, Begin by Ben Lee, Josh Thomas' comedy shows, Maya Angelou, the Harry Potter series, My So-Called Life, Joshua Radin's music (especially Today, Closer and Winter), Lost in Translation and the Japanese word setsunai, which is "a feeling of sadness and loneliness so powerful that it feels as if your chest is constricted, as if you can't breathe; a sadness that is physical and tangible" (via Leigh Sales' The Beauty of Foreign Words).

"We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology … But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone."

— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

(Picture via The Vault of Beauty)

some food inspiration

2010-09-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

As much as I adore beautiful food blogs, I have never harboured much of a desire to join their realm. For one, I am a terrible cook. I am not just being modest - I am truly bad at anything food related. (Kimberley will be able to attest to that, after I took three attempts to heat up her lasagna before my younger brother had to take over.) Secondly, what I actually can cook generally belongs on the "what not to eat" list. Or, I cook relatively healthy meals so badly that they look as though they belongs in that category. Not wonderful material for food inspiration.

Nevertheless, I have decided that I will start writing some food-related posts every now and then. As I have said, I have no special food knowledge or cooking talent that qualifies me to write about food. I have just noticed that the reason I don't take pride in my cooking or choose particularly healthy options is not purely because I have no cooking ability (there may be some, buried deep down inside of me!) It is mainly that I am not inspired or motivated. Every now and then I will read a book, blog post or watch an Oprah episode that persuades me to try a new recipe or two, but, on the whole, I have no desire to make much of an effort. (Living with my parents and having a chef as a boyfriend doesn't help any.) Hopefully, by foraging into the food world via this blog, I can help to inspire you a little and, in turn, I hope that you will inspire me! Please feel free to share any feedback, food knowledge, recipe ideas, your favourite new ingredients, etc in the comments section.

So here are a few things I made today. I did take pictures, but ultimately decided not to post them because they looked utterly unappetising. Thankfully, the sites where I found the recipes have absolutely lovely photos for you to fawn over!

Chile and Lime Roasted Pepitas, via The Brassica Diaries

These are so quick and easy to make, and a delicious snack. I made a bowlful for my family this evening, as a pre-dinner appetiser, and they all disappeared! I will be making some more over the weekend for me to snack upon between meals during my study break next week. Yum.

Homemade Paprika Roast Potato Chips, via The Good Mood Food Blog

I made these for my brothers as an after-school snack today, using a mix of potato and sweet potato (the latter for me, which is nominally healthier). They were very tasty - my brothers even complimented them, which is very rare (considering my cooking prowess). I have to add that Donal, the Irishman who writes this blog, is very cute.

Laura's Summer Juice

This is my own recipe, so it is lucky that this picture did not turn out too badly! My love for juices stems from my years working at a juice bar during high school. After every shift, we would be allowed a free juice, which means that a long, draining day always triggers me to have a craving for juice. This one is all fruit, so more of a treat than an everyday snack. Perfect for hot, summery days.

Half a banana

Two oranges, squeezed

Two strawberries

One teaspoon of chia powder

6 iceblocks

Blend in a blender and voila! One tall glass of delicious, thirst-quenching, pick-me-up juice.

Beauty Food: Eat Well to Look Beautiful by Marie Claire

If you are, like me, in need of some food inspiration, I would highly recommend this book. Since it was commissioned by a magazine which tends to advocate fad diets, I didn't have high expectations when I picked it up at Borders, but it is really good. It consists of scientific, expert advice from world-class nutritionists, shedding light on how to eat well, with practical tips that are easy to implement. The overall message is that we should be eating a balanced, fulfilling diet designed to nourish our bodies, rather than denying ourselves from sustenance with punishing weight-loss regimes and unnatural, processed foods. Overall, a refreshingly positive, educational book about food!

"If we can't, as artists, improve on real life, we should put down our pencils and go bake bread."

— Barbara Kingsolver

apologies

2010-09-22T13:14:00.006+08:00

I am just writing to apologise for my recent lack of blogging. I blame it on an inscrutable case of writer's block! (Again.) Thank you so much for your patience.

In the meantime, you may like to skip over to The Diary of a Homeless Romantic, a beautifully written, eye-opening new blog by Andrew Lake, a homeless man living in Melbourne. It breaks all the stereotypes.

some things I'm loving this week

2010-09-17T13:30:00.003+08:00

1. Eyewitness, The Guardian

Playing cricket in Kabul, by Mauricio Lima

The Guardian's Eyewitness is my single favourite iPad app. While most newspapers have simply rehashed their websites' layout and content, The Guardian took a different tact. Each day, a stunningly beautiful photograph is featured, providing insight into what is happening in any one corner of the world. It is one thing to read about an event, natural disaster, political situation or way of life; it is another to see it so clearly that you feel as though you are part of it.

2. Fatal Distraction: Forgetting a Child in the Backseat of the Car is a Horrifying Mistake. Is it a Crime? by Gene Weingarten

Winner of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing, this Washington Post article stopped me in my tracks. Parents forgetting their child in the backseat of their car is a devastatingly common occurrence (15 to 25 times a year in the United States); one which results in a tragically avoidable death, with absolutely no intent behind it. These horrific mistakes made by otherwise loving, attentive parents are a reflection of our busy, selfless modern lives; each of these parents were distracted by millions of thoughts running through their heads, multitudes of responsibilities weighing upon their shoulders. Who are we to judge these good people? Why do we feel the need to? I think people find it disconcerting to accept that no wrongdoing took place in these situations. Helplessness ensues when we realise that an innocent child was killed, and nobody is to blame for their death. Without redemption or justice for this lost life, it is almost impossible to shake that awful, raw, empty feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

3. Forever Love, by Leila Koren

My boyfriend Andy introduced me to this gorgeous wedding video. Jeremedy, one half of the duo who wrote and performed the feature song, also heads one of his favourite "Aussie hip-hop" bands (I don't know which one, perhaps somebody could enlighten me!) The song was his wedding present to the blissful couple. (He is the groomsman with the hair.)

Although I do want to get married one day, the idea of an extravagant white wedding doesn't sit quite
right with me. Not that I would ever deny anybody the pleasure of having the wedding they want - whether that is in a beautiful old church or a simple registry office; wearing a princess dress or old jeans; with a thousand guests or two. It's just that the sweet simplicity of this wedding makes my heart sing; so, deep down, I just know it is what I want for myself.

4. Permission to Quit the Low-Rent Experiences, by Sarah Wilson

As my loyal readers would know, I just cannot collate a best-of list without including one of Sarah Wilson's insightful blog posts. This particularly lovely one urges us to allow ourselves the freedom to drop those niggling obligations that we really don't want to do, and to take up things that may seem silly or frivolous, but secretly delight us. It is inspired by a blog post by Danielle LaPorte, of White Hot Truth. One of my favourite "permissions" that Danielle gives us is to "check your email whenever the hell you want". I always feel guilty for reading my emails first thing in the morning, and often throughout the day, because I have been told so many times how inefficient and needy it is. As Danielle says in her latest post, 7 tiny big life shifters: Screw it. I LIKE to check my email first thing in the morning. It doesn't mean that I'm a distracted workaholic, it means I'm an excited Creative who loves her friends and new friends and what she does with her day. I feel better now!

Permission to... Eat dessert first.

5. Throwing Away the Alarm Clock by Charles Bukowski

my father always said, "early to bed and
early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy
and wise."

it was lights out at 8 p.m. in our house
and we were up at dawn to the smell of
coffee, frying bacon and scrambled
eggs.

my father followed this general routine
for a lifetime and died young, broke,
and, I think, not too
wise.

taking note, I rejected his advice and it
became, for me, late to bed and late
to rise.

now, I'm not saying that I've conquered
the world but I've avoided
numberless early traffic jams, bypassed some
common pitfalls
and have met some strange, wonderful
people

one of whom
was
myself—someone my father
never
knew.

(via The Writer's Almanac)

"I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them. What I should be looking at is inside of me. Like staring down into a deep well. Can I see kindness there? No, all I see is my own nature. My own individual, stubborn, uncooperative often self-centred nature that still doubts itself--that, when troubles occur, tries to find something funny, or something nearly funny, about the situation. I've carried this character around like an old suitcase, down a long, dusty path. I'm not carrying it because I like it. The contents are too heavy, and it looks crummy, fraying in spots. I've carried it with me because there was nothing else I was supposed to carry. Still, I guess I have grown attached to it. As you might expect."

— Haruki Murakami (What I Talk About When I Talk About Running)

beauty secrets, part two: skincare products

2010-09-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

** I'm so sorry, I still have not had a chance to finish this post! Due to popular demand, I have decided to post most of it now, and the rest over the weekend. Sunscreens, masks, scrubs, lip balms, and other (products to treat specific skin concerns) to come!

Okay, so let's get to the fun part! Please forgive me here - I do not have much experience with inexpensive cosmetics. I started working in luxury cosmetics at a young age and I have become accustomed to beautiful, quality products that tend to cost an arm and a leg. I subscribe to the philosophy that if you buy products you absolutely love, which really work and suit your skin, then you will save more money than you would if you bought unsuitable products that you never finished because they didn't give you the results you wanted. Well, that is my justification anyway, I'll leave it up to you to decide whether or not you agree!

Now, when it came down to writing this list, I was faced with a dilemma. There are the products that are universal favourites - the ones that all my friends and clients absolutely adore, those fail-safe products that people repurchase over and over again because they are so amazing. And then there are those products that I have "discovered". You see, I don't like to go with the flow and stick with those popular cult classics... I prefer to try things that nobody else has picked up, so I can find hidden gems where others may not usually look (and then take all the credit for them!) I couldn't decide which products I should recommend here so, in the end, I decided to share one of each for some of the categories. I hope that makes sense to you!

Cleanser/Makeup Remover:

Nude Skincare Facial Cleansing Oil and Nude Skincare Cleansing Facial Wash

These two cleansers are both universal favourites and my hidden gems. I highly recommend that they be used simultaneously as part of a daily double cleansing ritual at the end of each day. The cleansing oil removes your makeup and the cleansing wash rinses away any residue from the oil, as well as excess oil and impurities that have built up throughout the day. If you prefer just one cleanser, then a dry/combination skin would use just the oil, while an oily/combination skin would use just the wash. Keep in mind that both cleansers are suitable for ALL skin types, especially when used in combination.

Just as a way of background, Nude Skincare is a collaboration between Bryan Meehan, founder of Fresh and Wild (now Wholefoods) in the UK, and Ali Hewson, Bono's wife. They wanted to create a skincare regime that was natural and effective, as they found that a lot of natural ranges on the market were ineffective and/or too heavy on the skin. All of their products are at least 98% natural and do not contain sulphates, mineral oil, silicones, parabens or GMO ingredients. The packaging is recyclable and the brand is carbon neutral. Please check out the website for more information!

Anyway, the reason I really love the Nude cleansers, besides the fact that they are so lovely to use, is that they contain probiotics. Nude is the first skincare brand in the world to incorporate pre and probiotics, which feed the good bacteria in the skin. Just like the stomach (have you seen those Metamucil ads?) you need a balance of good and bad bacteria in the skin for it to be at its optimum health and vitality. So many cleansers (and toners) on the market purely focus upon stripping away the bad bacteria, which only causes it to grow back again. Probiotics keep the skin beautifully balanced and strengthen its ability to defend itself against irritants.

The cleansing oil is 100% natural and has an amazingly silky texture. You simply massage it onto dry skin and then rinse it off with lukewarm water, leaving your skin soft and nourished. The cleansing wash is a very gentle foaming cleanser that rinses away residue from the oil and gives that lovely clean feeling, yet does not dry out the skin at all as so many foaming cleansers do.

I don't want to make any promises, but the wash in particular has made such a difference to some of my clients' skin, especially those experiencing breakouts who had previously invested in harsh foaming cleansers made up of sulphates, alcohol and acids. The simple act of changing their cleanser to one which was gentle and balancing severely lessened the angriness of their acne, and some with purely surface acne saw it eradicated. Like I said, I don't like to make promises - after all, most acne is caused by hormones - but cleansers are important!

Please keep in mind that, for young skin, cleansing can be the most important step and using the right cleansing products can really make an incredible improvement to the skin. The value of a quality cleanser does not lessen with age, but the the value of a quality moisturiser increases. The point I am trying to make is that under 25-year-olds can afford to invest in quality cleansers and skimp on moisturisers (as long as you are using sunscreen!)

I have to give a special mention to Bioderma Crealine H20. This beautiful makeup remover, lauded as a cult favourite by models and makeup artists, feels like water on your skin, and is incredibly gentle and effective. I bought four large bottles when I was in Paris but, sadly, I am just nearing the end of my last one. You can buy them online in Australia, but at about four times the price! You can also buy them at the Dubai Airport pharmacy.

Toner:

Nude Skincare Clarifying Water

Did I say that I didn't play favourites? Well, I lied. I love Nude! This toner contains a lovely chemical exfoliant, salicylic acid, which is naturally derived from willow bark. As I mentioned in part one, salicylic acid (also known as beta-hydroxy acid or BHA) is lipid soluble and can penetrate the hydro-lipidic barrier of the skin, so it is brilliant for deep-cleansing the pores, alleviating breakouts and dislodging blackheads. It also contains probiotics and, in true Nude style, does not contain any alcohol. (Please, please, please avoid any toners that contain alcohol - it is an environmental aggressor that causes free radical damage!)

As for me, well, I don't use one! You only need to use a toner if you have particularly oily skin, clogged pores or breakouts, or you are one of those people who simply must have that very "clean" feeling. To be honest, toners are a thing of the past. We have learned that you don't need to strip the skin with astringents to keep it clear and healthy.

Serum:

As I mentioned in my previous post, you can choose between a basic and an advanced skincare regime. If you decide that you only need a basic regime, then you can skip the serum stage. I highly recommend, though, that if there is anything you would like to change about your skin at all, then you need to start using a serum! Serums are used before your moisturiser. They contain active ingredients and penetrate more deeply into the skin than a moisturiser. You choose your serum to correspond with your skin concerns, as I explained before - dehydration, uneven pigmentation, lines and wrinkles, etc. The two serums I will mention here are excellent all-rounders, but those that target more specific concerns are mentioned at the end, under "other".

Ren Keep Young and Beautiful Serum is the universal favourite. It smells like green tea and feels amazingly light yet incredibly hydrating. Ren is another of my favourite brands. Like Nude, it uses 98% natural ingredients, yet is also effective on the skin. This serum is perfect for people of all ages and skintypes, from dry to oily, and addresses dehydration, uneven pigmentation and dullness. It contains Vitamin C, hyaluronic acid and Sirtuin (known as the "youth protein", for plumping the skin). If you have very oily skin, you can use this serum as a moisturiser.

My miracle in a bottle is the N.V. Perricone Advanced Face Firming Activator. It is not quite as elegant or luxurious as the Ren serum. In fact, it has a faint fishy scent (it contains a firming agent called DMAE, which is derived from anchovies). My boyfriend Andy hates it with a passion. But... it WORKS! It really and truly keeps my skin incredibly smooth and supple and hydrated. Its main ingredients are hyaluronic acid, alpha lipoic acid (an antioxidant) and glycolic acid (a chemical exfoliant), which address dehydration and dullness. N.V. Perricone is an amazing cosmeceutical brand that is perfect for anybody with aging concerns. As for me, my priority is to keep my skin clear, fresh and radiant - and this serum does that beautifully!

Moisturiser:

Everybody should use a moisturiser. Moisturisers are designed to hydrate and replenish the uppermost layer of the skin. Particularly lovely ingredients to look for in your moisturiser are essential fatty acids and antioxidants like Vitamin E, C and A, green tea, argan extract and pomegranate. All of these will help to keep your moisture barrier intact, locking in your skin's water (preventing dehydration) and the beneficial ingredients of your serums.

Some people like to use a moisturiser with sunscreen in it. I wouldn't recommend that, for a few reasons. Firstly, your moisturiser should be used in a way which reflects the moisture levels in your skin. Your cheeks are usually more dry than your nose, and so you would use less in the oily T-zone. With sunscreen, you need to use at least a teaspoon of product all over your face and neck. That is far too much moisturiser for most combination skin types! Secondly, the sun protection factor of most moisturisers is quite low, and in Australia we need to use an SPF30+, even in winter. Don't worry, I will explain that further.

The Darphin Hydraskin Light is the moisturiser that everybody adores. It is, as the name suggests, light, and provides the skin with the replenishment that it needs without any greasiness at all. Those with a dry skin type would benefit from using the Hydraskin Rich, or perhaps using the Hydraskin Light in the mornings and the Hydraskin Night in the evenings.

Nude Skincare Age Defence Moisturiser is my personal favourite. I only use it at nighttime - I have oily skin so I just use a serum and sunscreen in the mornings - and I only need one pump. One thing I forgot to mention about Nude Skincare earlier is that all of the ingredients are sourced ethically - the argan extract in this moisturiser is sourced from a women's refuge in Morocco. It's beautifully light and hydrating, and keeps my skin soft and supple.

Eye Cream:

Eye cream is one product that is often over-looked. Some people are blessed with smooth, flawless undereye areas, but for the rest of us, we suffer with dryness, puffiness, dark circles and fine lines. Now, to be completely honest with you, I don't believe that an eye cream can do much for dark circles - they are heredity, and caused by a proliferation and leaking of blood vessels. How can a topically applied cream affect that? No, you need a concealer to hide those (stay tuned for my makeup post, up next!) As for puffiness, the best remedy is pressing a cool spoon to each eye before you go out. Eye cream can, however, make a huge difference to the hydration levels of your eye area, which ensures that you look more revived and makes your concealer sit much better, looking a lot more natural and subtle.

As for application, eye cream should not be applied directly under the eyes. Simply pat it gently along the orbital bone and it will travel on its own. Also, be careful to use only a small amount of product - too much can cause milia (those little white pimples, which are clogged pores - they also appear when you apply your moisturiser too closely to the eye).

Kiehl's Creamy Avocado Eye Cream is really, really lovely and a fantastic choice for a first-time eye cream user. It is incredibly soothing, gentle and hydrating. There is not really much more I can say, except that it's great - and if you are not already using an eye cream then GET ON IT!

This Works Tired Eyes Serum is has a lighter texture. It is perfect for use in the mornings because makeup sits perfectly on top of it. This is the one that I use. This Works is a beautiful aromatherapy-based skincare and bodycare line from the UK, created by the international beauty director for Conde Nast Asia, Kathy Phillips.

eat your heart out

2010-09-13T12:14:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite Australian musical talents, Scott Spark, tweeted me a link to this adorable video of a school choir singing his song, Eat Your Heart Out.

I love Scott. His debut album Fail Like You Mean It has just been released on iTunes and I have been listening to it all week. Eat Your Heart Out is my favourite track, followed closely by the The Truth. His mellow tunes do not impose, yet they are so touching. I have been listening in the car every morning - they just wash over me like an old friend, instilling a lovely, zesty vibe.

I have a weakness for young (at heart!), thoughtful, creative Australians like Scott. Missy Higgins, Ben Lee, Tim Minchin, frankie magazine, Sarah Wilson, Benjamin Law (one of my writing idols, and Scott's partner, actually)... I guess it is because I feel an affinity for them. It is comforting that such fun and profundity can emerge from Australia's largely phallocentric, anti-intellectual mainstream culture. The larger population may call us soft, but I like soft. Soft is permeable. It is sensitive and compassionate. It is open to change and unconventionality. Soft is not particularly cool but, when it comes down to it, cool is overrated. Being cool doesn't get you places. Uniqueness, awkwardness and a fresh take on things, on the other hand... they can be an asset.

the banquet

2010-09-09T16:59:00.001+08:00

"According to Aristophanes in Plato's The Banquet, in the ancient world of legend there were three types of people. In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangement and never really gave it much thought. But then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half."

— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

five regrets of the dying

2010-09-09T13:17:00.003+08:00

Today, Sarah Wilson posted this amazing piece by Australian blogger Bronnie, of Inspiration and Chai. Bronnie worked in palliative care for many years and collated a list of the most prevalent regrets shared by her patients upon their deathbed. All of these regrets are things that I have been thinking a lot about lately, while dreaming of my future. When I read this, my heart just sang (a purely selfish response, because it is also heart-breaking) and I felt validated, in a funny way.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

The happiest household I know is my boyfriend Andy's. His mum, stepdad and four brothers live in a cosy place by the beach, which consists of two small houses joined together (it was originally built to house two best friends, an elderly woman and her priest). His mum is a freelance masseuse and his stepdad is leaving his job as a teacher at the end of the year to launch an online company and build boats. Inspirational quotes are written on a whiteboard in their kitchen daily. Their children are given the freedom to make mistakes and follow their hearts. Everybody contributes. It is not a life of luxury but the whole family are full of love, freedom and communal happiness.

I don't mean to say that their lifestyle choices are perfect. Everybody has to find their own happy place. I have just noticed that there is a new brand of success emerging, one which may be unfamiliar but is a whole lot more fulfilling and satisfying.

The brilliant Alain de Botton speaks about it here - a kinder, gentler philosophy of success:

"So what can I do now?" she spoke up a minute later.

"Nothing," I said. "Just think about what comes before words. You owe that to the dead. As time goes on, you'll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what time can't solve, you have to solve yourself. Is that too much to ask?"

"A little," she said, trying to smile.

"Well, of course it is," I said, trying to smile too.

"I doubt that this makes sense to most people. But I think I'm right. People die all the time. Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely. It's too easy not to make the effort, then weep and wring your hands after the person dies. Personally, I don't buy it."

Yuki leaned against the car door. "But that's real hard, isn't it?" she said.

"Real hard," I said. "But it's worth trying for."

— Haruki Murakami (Dance, Dance, Dance)

beauty secrets, part one: skincare regime

2010-09-08T23:54:00.005+08:00

In light of my recent post, Woman's Skin, a few readers have requested that I share some of my beauty secrets. I am more than happy to do that, especially since it seems that people are interested. In fact, I love sharing the knowledge I have acquired over my years in the beauty industry. I am just wary of appearing a little materialistic - not that I have a problem with beauty blogs at all, I read them all the time myself - but I just like to use my blog to delve a little deeper than sharing my favourite beauty products, on the whole. So just be aware that I am saying all of this in response to people who have expressed interest in my beauty knowledge, not because I want to pressure people to buy things they don't want or need, or to promote a narrow or restrictive ideal of beauty, because that is not what I am about at all!

With that aside, I love cosmetics. I think they are so much fun, and they are a way of exploring our identities and nurturing ourselves in a playful way. I have a simply enormous beauty collection. Some products I have been given, some I bought for myself. Although I do work for a beauty company (I cannot divulge which, on here at least!), please trust that I am not biased towards any one brand. Obviously, some brands I have worked with more than others as a result of where I work and this advice will somewhat reflect that, but every one of the products I am recommending here are absolutely loved by my clients, my friends, my family and myself!

This will be a 7(!)-part series: skincare (regime), skincare (products), makeup (complexion), makeup (colour), haircare, bodycare and other. I hope you enjoy!

Skincare regime

Rather than skipping straight to products, I thought that I would provide a little summary on how to go about assembling your own skincare regime. There is so much contradiction and misinformation out there that it can all get incredibly confusing. So I would like to provide a short, simple explanation as a way of introduction.

1. First things first: you have to figure out what your skin type is. Skin type is something that your skincare products, no matter how good they are, cannot change, and refers to the oil levels in your skin. So, for example, if you are oily, your skincare will not make you less oily, although ideally it will help you to appear less oily - because your oil production is dictated by your hormones.

The four basic skin types are as follows, and are quite simple to discern:

Dry: Dry skin all over. (Usually reserved for elderly women.)

Dry-Combination: Dry cheeks, oily T-zone.

Oily-Combination: Oily T-zone, normal cheeks.

Oily: Oily all over.

Please note: If you have dryness AND oiliness (even in the slightest) on your T-zone, then you are still oily. The fact that you have oil coming through means that you are dehydrated (which means that your skin lacks water), not dry (where your skin lacks oil) - and these conditions have different remedies. (Have you ever told the lady at the counter that you were feeling dry, so she gave you a thick cream, which made you break out? Don't let that happen again!)

2. Next, you have to identify your skin conditions. These are things that your skincare can fix or improve - hurrah!

Skin conditions are as follows:

Dehydration: As I said before, this is often confused with dryness. Dehydration is characterised by flaking and crepiness, especially on the forehead and around the nose. If you are dehydrated, you need to look for products that contain water-binding properties like hyaluronic acid (also known as sodium hyaluronate), which is like a big glass of water for your skin. Also, drinking lots of water is wonderful but it won't do anything for the uppermost layers of your skin, as there is no blood flow. That is why it is so important to use hydrating products that will treat and replenish the water levels in your skin!

Uneven pigmentation: Over-exposure to environmental aggressors like the sun, pollution, smoking and alcohol can cause free radical damage to our skin cells, which, in turn, leads to sporadic melanin production. This surfaces in the form of sunspots and uneven skintone, especially as we get older. A lot of women also experience uneven pigmentation as a result of hormonal changes during pregnancy. The most effective ingredients to look for are retinol (pure, active Vitamin A) and Vitamin C, which help to disperse clumps of melanin for a more uniform skintone. If you would like to prevent uneven pigmentation, then you should also look for ingredients that inhibit the activity of tyrosinase, which is the enzyme that stimulates melanin production, such as arbutin (also known as bearberry extract), kojic acid, licorice extract and uva ursi extract. But most importantly - wear a broad-spectrum, SPF30+ sunscreen EVERY SINGLE DAY, and sunglasses as well - when your retinas are exposed to UV rays, your skin cells assume that they are also being exposed and start producing melanin in their own defence.

Dullness: Free radical damage can also cause the skin cells to be produced and layered unevenly, which means that the light does not bounce off them in a way that gives your skin that beautiful, healthy glow. The best way to remedy dullness is to use products full of antioxidants, and exfoliate regularly. There are also, of course, many makeup tricks you can use to add radiance to your skin, which I will explain later.

Redness: Redness seems to be an issue that plagues a lot of women, yet they have no idea what to do about it. Don't despair! There are plenty of products on the market that are designed to soothe and calm easily irritated, sensitive skin. If you are chronically red, and have visible capillaries on your cheeks, then perhaps think about seeing a dermatologist - you may have rosacea.

Lines and Wrinkles: Aging is inevitable, but so many people are surprised by the difference a hydrating serum and/or cream can make! Superficial lines can be plumped and softened with the use of hyaluronic acids and rich (non-greasy) oils. Products with high concentrations of retinol and Vitamin C can also repair and stimulate the synthesis of collagen and elastin fibres, which improve the firmness and elasticity of the skin.

Eczema: Eczema and psoriasis are conditions that a lot of women, and men, suffer from. It is difficult to treat, but the best advice I have is to keep things simple and gentle. A soothing milk cleanser and a hydrating, fragrance-free, light moisturiser is the best way to go.

Acne: Acne is probably one of the most misunderstood skin conditions. It really gets my goat when people (a) blame the sufferer for their breakouts or (b) tell them to let it run its course because there is nothing that can be done. It is NOT your fault, and skincare CAN help, a lot. Let me break it down for you. (Warning: graphic language!)

I Your skin is producing too much oil, as a result of hormonal imbalance. This can occur at any time in your life: adolescence, in your twenties and thirties, during and after pregnancy, menopause, during extremely stressful periods in your life (surprisingly enough, scientific studies show that mild stress levels do not have any affect upon your skin). As I mentioned before, your oil production cannot be changed by skincare, but the skincare you are using may be worsening or contributing to it. Make sure your cleanser and toner are not stripping your skin (try to avoid alcohol and sulphates) - if they are too harsh, they will take away too much oil and your skin will think it is dry, producing even more oil, which is the last thing you want!

II The oil is trying to make its way to the surface of your skin, but it is getting blocked in your pores. This may be because your pores are unevenly shaped or there are dead skin cells clogging its passage. Sometimes the process stops there, resulting in blackheads and whiteheads. In order to prevent this blockage, it is important to use chemical exfoliants such as glycolic acid and salicylic acid. Salicylic acid is particularly helpful because it is lipid soluble, which means that it can penetrate the hydro-lipidic barrier of the skin to exfoliate the pore itself. A scrub will not help to prevent breakouts at all - in fact, I don't recommend using a scrub on acne because the granules can break the skin and spread the bacteria around, causing additional breakouts.

III The redness and inflammation is caused by the clogged pores being infected by p. acne bacteria. It doesn't mean you are dirty - it is natural to have a balance of good and bacteria on your skin! This is where those zit-zappers come in handy, which are ideally used overnight to reduce the redness and inflammation of the pimple, usually containing sulfur to kill the germs. I have also found that using products with pre and probiotics really, really helps - which I will explain later, when I get to products!

Now, please note that this explanation applies to pimples that come to a head. If you are experiencing those nasty pustules that exist underneath the skin, you are suffering from cystic acne which, unfortunately, skincare cannot treat because it is the result of a blood infection in the sebaceous (sweat) gland. If you recognise the symptoms, please see a dermatologist, or at least your GP! There is a lot that can be done with prescription medication. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but acne, particularly cystic acne, can scar. So please see a doctor before it gets to that stage - you don't need to suffer through it! Also, skincare can still help to improve the overall condition of your skin - keeping the skin smooth and hydrated so that your makeup sits a lot better - so don't despair.

3. Finally, you must choose which kind of skincare regime you want to go for: basic or advanced.

A basic regime consists of a cleanser, moisturiser and sunscreen. This is something that you would use if were already happy with your skin and just wanted to maintain and protect it from damage. You choose these products according to your skin type.

An advanced regime, on the other hand, involves a few additional products, including an exfoliant, serum, masks and eye cream. These products are chosen according to your skin conditions and will aid in improving the tone, texture and hydration of your skin.

Please note that diet and lifestyle factors can impact upon the condition of your skin. Science shows that excess sugar, for example, can accelerate aging by stimulating the process of glycation, which snaps and breaks down collagen and elastin fibres, those lovely proteins that keep your skin plump and wrinkle-free. Antioxidant-rich food, on the other hand, can help to improve the overall health and radiance of your skin. As I mentioned before, however, there is no blood flow to the outermost layers of your skin, which means that it is important to use at least a basic regime, to maintain the balance and hydration of your skin. AND DON'T FORGET SUNSCREEN! It is the single most important product to use consistently. More in my next post!

Phew! You can see why I needed to break this into sections. Don't worry, this was the most unexciting of the lot, the rest will be a lot more fun! Please feel free to ask me any questions in the comments sections or - if you would like privacy - just email me via my About Me page. Part 2 should be posted in a couple of days.

relativity

2010-09-06T12:14:00.004+08:00

NB I wrote this post a few weeks ago, but decided not to post it because it read like an essay and I thought my readers may find it boring! In light of Sarah Wilson's latest column on random acts of kindness, it became topical so I decided to post it after all. Here is part of my comment on Sarah's blog so you can gain a little insight into why I found this exhibition so compelling:

Sarah, I kind of disagree when you say that kindness doesn’t come naturally… I believe that it is the unnatural things in our lives – money, time, social structures – that encourage us to quell our natural kindness, but that everybody has a desire to be kind, which is a driving force. Most people have to LIMIT that kindness to a certain circle, maybe just family and close friends, as a way of protecting themselves (survival, as you say). Tim Minchin (my favourite comedian in the world, not to be confused with Nick Minchin, the sickeningly smug politician) has a song called “If you open up your mind too much, your brain will fall out”. Well, I think most people think that if they extend their compassion too far, their hearts will fall out.

A few weeks ago, I visited the Art Gallery of Western Australia to see Australian sculptress Patricia Piccinini's exhibition entitled "Relativity". As you can probably tell from the photos, her pieces are a little creepy. They make you feel uncomfortable and want to look away... but then, you can't help but take another glance, and step a little closer.

The exhibition is intended to force us to question "what makes us human?" When we look at these grotesque creatures, we have an innate desire to separate ourselves from them... but we can't. Patricia imbues them with a humanness that forces us to feel empathy, which shocks and surprises us. The creatures' vulnerability - whether due to childlikeness or frailty - gives us a sense of protectiveness over them. And once you look at them for long enough, they have a oddly sweet quality.

Patricia has identified her ethos as "I feel, therefore I think". Her pieces help us to tap into our innate kindness and humility, as well as extending our awareness of the way we project our own fears and insecurities onto others. When we first see these creatures, we feel anxiety and disgust. Why? These are just sculptures! They can't touch us. So why do we feel so uncomfortable in their presence?

Society teaches us that to be human is the penultimate state. Humans are the smartest, most valuable creatures on earth. Everything else – animals, trees, plants, water – is at our disposal; they are subject to our needs and desires. We can manipulate them for our own benefit because we have a certain "specialness" about us that makes us more important than anything else. These kinds of assumptions are gradually changing but I've noticed that a lot of people tend to live in a condition of willful ignorance... which, of course, makes it easy to be callous.

Patricia often pairs her creatures with children. Their innocence reminds us of a time when we were quick to offer trust and unconditional love, and slow to make judgments. We can learn so much from reminiscing about our childhoods. The children also represent the future, and the fact that things can change for the better if we only remain in touch with our hearts. This extends to our relationship with the "other" in general... other animals, all living things, as well as other people of different races and ethnicities, backgrounds and life experiences, those who are younger or older than ourselves.

So what to take away from this? We should not allow our fears to overtake us. We have to let go of the notion that we, as humans, are more valuable than any other living creature. We need to allow ourselves to empathise with other people or creatures who are different to us, instead of shielding ourselves from that compassion as a subconscious means of protecting ourselves. We can turn a blind eye to the experience and suffering of others, if we deliberately keep our distance, but when we look into their eyes, we cannot help but connect with them and feel for them. Humanity does not just consist of intelligence and survival instinct. Our greatest gift is the ability to intuitively empathise and feel attachment towards other living things - because that it what gives us the desire to improve things, and the responsibility of acting upon that yen.

“If you’re listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold even more wonders.”
— Andrew Harvey