Showing posts with label haruki murakami. Show all posts
Showing posts with label haruki murakami. Show all posts

Sunday, October 24, 2010

always on the side of the egg


I came across an amazing speech by Haruki Murakami today. Last year, he was awarded the Jerusalem literary prize for the Freedom of the Individual in Society. Pro-Palestinian groups attempted to dissuade him from attending the ceremony, claiming that doing so would demonstrate his support for Israel's role in the Gaza conflict. Murakami considered their argument, but ultimately decided to accept his prize in person. An excerpt of his speech is posted below; you can read the entire piece at Hareetz.

So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came.

The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

...

Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war.

He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System.

That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.


(Picture via Flora Hanitijo)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

10 day cycle


It has been a while since I have done one of these! Meanwhile, the 10 Day Cycle has caught onto a few more lovely bloggers, including Jade of Jade's Musings and Hannah of Counter Obsession. (I would love to read anybody else's 10 Day Cycles, please send me a link if you are taking part!)

As I mentioned in one of my most recent posts, Infinity, I am currently rereading Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, a memoir about (as the name suggests) running. Naturally, the book also explores the way that Haruki's vigorous daily running regime shapes and enriches his beautiful writing and his quality of life. As I face a grueling series of exams, followed by a plan to dive head-first into NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month!) as soon as they conclude, I am in desperate need of at least a little of Haruki's discipline. As far as I can from reading his book, I think the key to Haruki's dedication to his chosen form of exercise is that he truly enjoys running; and his enjoyment has led to it morphing into somewhat of an addiction. Despite the negative connotations attached to addictions, being addicted to something that is good for you - one that enhances and controls your natural talent and livelihood- must be a positive thing, right?

So, with that said, the following are a few things that I want to implement over the next 10 days, and hopefully into the future:


... Swimming
Swimming may seem an odd choice of exercise for me. It is certainly not the most convenient or glamorous activity to choose, at least not for somebody as vain as I am. Don't worry, I am more than prepared. To alleviate the effects of the chlorine and salt water, I invested in a keratin hair treatment, low-maintenance hair colour (balayage) and a shopping spree at the delightful Kit Cosmetics (with a strict rule attached: the products I purchased there are  only allowed to be used AT THE GYM).

So why have I chosen swimming, when it has required so much groundwork? I love the act of swimming itself. The gliding motion, the effortlessness, the gentleness. Getting lost in my own thoughts, focusing on pace and even breathing. The independence; I feel alone, but never lonely.


... Pomodoro technique
I have tried this focusing technique a few times, predominantly for last-minute essays and assignments, and it is brilliant. Sustaining it for the next month or so will be difficult, but I will need to if I want to ace my exams and get 50, 000 words written in two weeks!

Sarah Wilson explains the technique beautifully in this Sunday Life column, citing the real-life example of Ray Bradbury who, as a penniless freelance writer, wrote his classic novel Fahrenheit 451 in thirty minutes bursts, at the public library. You see, as Sarah explains, the discipline accessed through the Pomodoro technique allows us to access "flow": when we are so completely focused on the task at hand that time stops, distractions cease and much gets done.


... Transcendental meditation
I have tried this meditation technique sporadically, but I have been convinced that it needs to be a permanent, daily fixture in my life.

Two things led me to this conclusion:

1. Sarah Wilson's revelation that six weeks after discovering transcendental meditation, she landed the Masterchef gig. She meditated in the car before her audition; the casting team said that her confidence and poise were what impressed them so much that they gave her the covetable role. I need some of that.

2. Watching Eat Pray Love last week. Admission: when I read the book, I skipped most of the India chapter. I love Liz Gilbert but, as an unwavering atheist, I dismissed her plunge into the world of prayer as something I wouldn't be able to relate to in a million years. I was, however, intrigued by Balinese guru Ketut's take on things: "To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clear away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver."


... Blogging everyday
So, this whole writer's block thing. Apparently it's a crock... according to a multitude of impressive, professional writers.

"There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write."
— Terry Pratchett

"Writer's block? I've heard of this. This is when a writer cannot write, yes? Then that person isn't a writer anymore. I'm sorry, but the job is getting up in the fucking morning and writing for a living."
— Warren Ellis

"Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."
— Steve Martin

"Writer's block doesn't exist...lack of imagination does."
— Cyrese Covelli

And, most cuttingly...

"Writer's block…a lot of howling nonsense would be avoided if, in every sentence containing the word WRITER, that word was taken out and the word PLUMBER substituted; and the result examined for the sense it makes. Do plumbers get plumber's block? What would you think of a plumber who used that as an excuse not to do any work that day?

The fact is that writing is hard work, and sometimes you don't want to do it, and you can't think of what to write next, and you're fed up with the whole damn business. Do you think plumbers don't feel like that about their work from time to time? Of course there will be days when the stuff is not flowing freely. What you do then is MAKE IT UP. I like the reply of the composer Shostakovich to a student who complained that he couldn't find a theme for his second movement. “Never mind the theme! Just write the movement!” he said.

Writer's block is a condition that affects amateurs and people who aren't serious about writing. So is the opposite, namely inspiration, which amateurs are also very fond of. Putting it another way: a professional writer is someone who writes just as well when they're not inspired as when they are."
— Philip Pullman

Harsh, yes? I think I needed to hear it, though. "Writer's block" evokes the idea of a kind of ailment; one which is out of the writer's control and can only be overcome with time or, as Pullman says icily, inspiration. I think these writers are right when they say that writer's block is an excuse concocted by failing, depleted wordsmiths, whose self-doubts are quelling their creative spirit. Clearly, it is something that needs to be conquered, if I ever want to succeed as a writer. In an interview I conducted recently, with one of my favourite Australian columnists, Susan Maushart, she divulged her very sage advice for aspiring writers: Write as if it were a job, not a hobby (or it always will be). So you can expect more blogging from here on out (but please don't be disappointed if I lapse; I am hopeful, but fallible). 


... Joy
Discipline can be very, very dull... So I intend to alleviate that dullness with little bursts of joy. Lunch at my favourite French cafe. Reading. Blogging. Staying up late to watch Dexter and Six Feet Under in bed, with my boyfriend. Writing lists.



... Sleep
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Glorious sleep, which I am so fond of in the mornings, but not so much at nighttime (when I can think of a million better things to do), will be vital to a fluid, dynamic, fruitful day. Hopefully, it will work itself out, as long as I expend lots and lots of energy each day so that I am desperate for my head to hit the pillow, at a reasonable hour, in the evenings.

So that is all for me! What do you have in store for the next 10 days? Exams? Exercise? Shopping? Reading something exciting? I would love to hear from you :)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

the diary of anaïs nin

It was with high hopes that I ordered The Diary of Anaïs Nin Volume 1 (1931-1934) online, and it arrived at my house via airmail just a couple of days ago. I know this may sound soppy and/or presumptuous but, after reading just one chapter, I already know that we are kindred spirits. (Although she is clearly much more eloquent and insightful; she is a literary genius, after all.)

When I look at the large green iron gate from my window it takes on the air of a prison gate. An unjust feeling, since I know I can leave the place whenever I want to, and since I know that human beings place upon an object, or a person, this responsibility of being the obstacle when the obstacle lies always within one's self.

In spite of this knowledge I always stand at the window staring at the large closed iron gate, as if hoping to obtain from the contemplation a reflection of my inner obstacles to a full, open life.

* * *

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe that you are living. Then you read a book (Lady Chatterly, for instance), or you take a trip... and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.

Some never awaken. They are like the people who go to sleep in the snow and never awaken. But I am not in danger because my home, my garden, my beautiful life do not lull me. I am aware of being in a beautiful prison, from which I can only escape by writing.

I think every one of us has experienced the "shock treatment" Anaïs writes of. It is that spark of inspiration we feel when we come across someone or something that simply speaks to our heart. You know, that "ah ha" moment that gives us the impression that we are sharing our lives with others; that we are not the "only one". Sometimes that glimmering revelation reflects our deepest, darkest fears. Other times we are presented with what our lives are missing. Perhaps we may be reminded of the past; a forgotten moment, feeling or hope. These epiphanies shake us to our core, waking us up from the routine of our everyday lives and prompting us to reassess. It may be that we have meandered from our course; it could be that an unrealised dream lies laden within us; we may have lost our spirit; or, alternatively, we are on the right path, but harbour unfounded self-doubts. Whatever it is that we discover, we have been granted the opportunity to resume our lives with a newfound consciousness, afresh.

I am constantly trying to inspire myself; I admit that I have become quite addicted to these "shock treatments". I use this blog to share them with others, though I think it is inevitable that not everybody will relate to everything I post. You know when you read or see or meet somebody or something so profound that you feel compelled to show others, and they just don't respond the same way? I feel as though writing a blog is like that. I really hope that you can see where I am coming from; but if you can't, that is okay. It's not my fault, nor yours. We are just not in the same place, at least not at this moment in time.

You may have already noticed, but just so you know, things that have moved me include Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Sarah Wilson's blog, Haruki Murakami quotes, (500) Days of Summer, every Missy Higgins song, Benjamin Law's pieces in frankie magazine, Elizabethtown (the fifth time I watched it), Alain de Botton's twitter feed, Barack Obama's speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, Begin by Ben Lee, Josh Thomas' comedy shows, Maya Angelou, the Harry Potter series, My So-Called Life, Joshua Radin's music (especially Today, Closer and Winter), Lost in Translation and the Japanese word setsunai, which is "a feeling of sadness and loneliness so powerful that it feels as if your chest is constricted, as if you can't breathe; a sadness that is physical and tangible" (via Leigh Sales' The Beauty of Foreign Words).

"We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. New styles, new information, new technology, new terminology … But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone."
— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

(Picture via The Vault of Beauty)

Friday, September 17, 2010

some things I'm loving this week

1. Eyewitness, The Guardian

Playing cricket in Kabul, by Mauricio Lima

The Guardian's Eyewitness is my single favourite iPad app. While most newspapers have simply rehashed their websites' layout and content, The Guardian took a different tact. Each day, a stunningly beautiful photograph is featured, providing insight into what is happening in any one corner of the world. It is one thing to read about an event, natural disaster, political situation or way of life; it is another to see it so clearly that you feel as though you are part of it.


Winner of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing, this Washington Post article stopped me in my tracks. Parents forgetting their child in the backseat of their car is a devastatingly common occurrence (15 to 25 times a year in the United States); one which results in a tragically avoidable death, with absolutely no intent behind it. These horrific mistakes made by otherwise loving, attentive parents are a reflection of our busy, selfless modern lives; each of these parents were distracted by millions of thoughts running through their heads, multitudes of responsibilities weighing upon their shoulders. Who are we to judge these good people? Why do we feel the need to? I think people find it disconcerting to accept that no wrongdoing took place in these situations. Helplessness ensues when we realise that an innocent child was killed, and nobody is to blame for their death. Without redemption or justice for this lost life, it is almost impossible to shake that awful, raw, empty feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

3. Forever Love, by Leila Koren

My boyfriend Andy introduced me to this gorgeous wedding video. Jeremedy, one half of the duo who wrote and performed the feature song, also heads one of his favourite "Aussie hip-hop" bands (I don't know which one, perhaps somebody could enlighten me!) The song was his wedding present to the blissful couple. (He is the groomsman with the hair.)

Although I do want to get married one day, the idea of an extravagant white wedding doesn't sit
quite
right with me. Not that I would ever deny anybody the pleasure of having the wedding they want - whether that is in a beautiful old church or a simple registry office; wearing a princess dress or old jeans; with a thousand guests or two. It's just that the sweet simplicity of this wedding makes my heart sing; so, deep down, I just know it is what I want for myself.




As my loyal readers would know, I just cannot collate a best-of list without including one of Sarah Wilson's insightful blog posts. This particularly lovely one urges us to allow ourselves the freedom to drop those niggling obligations that we really don't want to do, and to take up things that may seem silly or frivolous, but secretly delight us. It is inspired by a blog post by Danielle LaPorte, of White Hot Truth. One of my favourite "permissions" that Danielle gives us is to "check your email whenever the hell you want". I always feel guilty for reading my emails first thing in the morning, and often throughout the day, because I have been told so many times how inefficient and needy it is. As Danielle says in her latest post, 7 tiny big life shifters: Screw it. I LIKE to check my email first thing in the morning. It doesn't mean that I'm a distracted workaholic, it means I'm an excited Creative who loves her friends and new friends and what she does with her day. I feel better now!

Permission to... Eat dessert first.

5. Throwing Away the Alarm Clock by Charles Bukowski

my father always said, "early to bed and
early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy
and wise."

it was lights out at 8 p.m. in our house
and we were up at dawn to the smell of
coffee, frying bacon and scrambled
eggs.

my father followed this general routine
for a lifetime and died young, broke,
and, I think, not too
wise.

taking note, I rejected his advice and it
became, for me, late to bed and late
to rise.

now, I'm not saying that I've conquered
the world but I've avoided
numberless early traffic jams, bypassed some
common pitfalls
and have met some strange, wonderful
people

one of whom
was
myself—someone my father
never
knew.



"I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them. What I should be looking at is inside of me. Like staring down into a deep well. Can I see kindness there? No, all I see is my own nature. My own individual, stubborn, uncooperative often self-centred nature that still doubts itself--that, when troubles occur, tries to find something funny, or something nearly funny, about the situation. I've carried this character around like an old suitcase, down a long, dusty path. I'm not carrying it because I like it. The contents are too heavy, and it looks crummy, fraying in spots. I've carried it with me because there was nothing else I was supposed to carry. Still, I guess I have grown attached to it. As you might expect."
— Haruki Murakami (What I Talk About When I Talk About Running)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

the banquet

"According to Aristophanes in Plato's The Banquet, in the ancient world of legend there were three types of people. In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangement and never really gave it much thought. But then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half."
— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Monday, August 30, 2010

my world

"I do feel that I’ve managed to make something I could maybe call my world…over time…little by little. And when I’m inside it, to some extent, I feel kind of relieved. But the very fact I felt I had to make such a world probably means that I’m a weak person, that I bruise easily, don’t you think? And in the eyes of society at large, that world of mine is a puny little thing. It’s like a cardboard house: a puff of wind might carry it off somewhere."
— Haruki Murakami (After Dark)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

what makes humans happy?


Sarah Wilson's column today really struck a chord with me, as it always does. She chatted with The Happiness Project's Gretchen Rubin and asked her to share one, foolproof trick to instilling ourselves with true happiness. You can head over to Sarah's blog to find out what that is but, needless to say, it's within everybody's reach. What I have learned is that happiness is not a lofty ideal that you can only discover after abandoning your family and friends to rummage desperately through Ubud or India... It's waiting patiently at your door, ready to be let inside your heart, if only you open yourself to the possibility.

The lovely Sarah has issued a challenge - she will give away three issues of Gretchen's book to readers who share what they think makes humans happy. I would love to read the book (it is released in Australia this month) so I thought I would partake, just for fun.

What makes humans happy? Well, I can only speak for myself, of course. I am no expert. But these past few days have been an ordeal... trying to stay happy, while my best friend lies in a hospital bed, feels wrong. I have struggled, I really have.

Surprisingly enough, what transformed my outlook around was her. She is happy. My best friend, who has two broken legs, the love of her life stuck on the other side of the city awaiting numerous operations after his legs were shattered in the accident, the prospect of not being able to see him for weeks, at least, and months of rehab and recovery in front of her. She is putting on a brave face, but she is truly able to see the magic in what I could only conceive as an awful, terribly unfair situation.... They will walk again. Somebody is watching over us, she reminded me, smiling brightly. Somebody, up there, loves us. Which made me take a deep breath and realise that what I could only perceive as a nightmare was, actually, a miracle.

So, back to the question... What makes humans happy, in my short-lived experience, is that age-old, emancipating consciousness that we are lucky. I hope this doesn't sound too morbid for what should be an uplifting post, but, just think about it - isn't it a miracle that we are alive today? Our lives are kind of thrilling, when you think of it like that. That being alive itself is the miracle, not the achievements and the experiences and the people whose lives we have touched. Just being.

And that's when those other things come into play. When we think of our lives as precious, beautiful gifts we are incredibly fortunate to be given, it is impossible to mindlessly fritter them away. Why wait until tomorrow, or the next day, to do what we want to do today? Why follow pointless rules? Why allow ourselves to succumb to fear? Everything futile and meaningless falls away when we realise that we are responsible for our own destiny and our own happiness. I don't mean responsible just in the sense that we are in control, but also in the sense that we have a duty to all those people who are nowhere near as lucky as us (and no matter how dire the situation, there is always someone... in fact, several billion someones), to live in a way that fulfills our potential for happiness. Capiche?

Of course, it's impossible to maintain this mindset, all the time. Life often gets in the way. Our best friends are victims in horrific car accidents. We lose our jobs. Our hair doesn't sit right. Everything just seems hopeless. So that's when we need to be still. Close our eyes. Take a deep breath. And remind ourselves that we may not be perfect. Bad things may happen to us and the people we love. But... we're alive. We have today, and the potential of tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, to change everything. Maybe not the physical things, but definitely our perception of ourselves and the world around us. Which, if you think about it, is everything. I don't know about you, but this reminder makes me happy... and, since I am human, I thought it be one, of many, answers to this never-ending question, which we all share.

"Here, too, a brand new day is beginning. It could be a day like all the others, or it could be a day remarkable enough in many ways to remain in the memory. In either case, for now, for most people, it is a blank sheet of paper."
— Haruki Murakami (After Dark)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

fireworks in the daytime

"..And you know, this thought crossed my mind at the time: maybe chance is a pretty common thing after all. Those kinds of coincidences are happening all around us, all the time, but most of them don't attract our attention and we just let them go by. It's like fireworks in the daytime. You might hear a faint sound, but even if you look up at the sky you can't see a thing. But if we're really hoping something may come true it may become visible, like a message rising to the surface. Then we're able to make it out clearly, decipher what it means. And seeing it before us we're surprised and wonder at how strange things like this can happen. Even though there's nothing strange about it. ..."
— Haruki Murakami (Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

loaded

"I may be the type who manages to grab all the pointless things in life but lets the really important things slip away."
— Haruki Murakami (Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories)

Sometimes, I feel as though my mind is overloaded. In fact, I know it - and the problem is, I like it that way.

It's my own fault, of course. As I write, I am sitting on my bed. I have eight Safari windows open (this screen, Twitter, Roger Ebert's and Sarah Wilson's blogs, PilotHandwriting.com, Laura Tingle's feature article for the Walkey Foundation, Dominic Knight's latest article for ABC The Drum and "How beaches looked 100 years ago"). The Big Bang Theory is playing on my tv. The manuscript for my novel is open in Microsoft Word. The Wealthy Freelancer is laying open beside me on one side, my iPhone on the other, whilst I wait for an email to arrive in my inbox. And this is a Sunday, my one "day off" a week.

My penchant for "multi-tasking" is of huge annoyance to my boyfriend Andy. He likes to do most of the same things I do: read, use social media (my chosen mode is Twitter, his is Facebook), watch tv, cuddle. The difference is that he likes to do these activities just one at a time. I can't. Focusing on only one task makes me antsy and frustrated. I can't handle it.

My inability to focus is an issue for several reasons...

1. It prevents me from totally immersing myself in an activity. Eating lunch? The tv is on. Watching a movie? I'm on twitter. At a party? I'm checking my iPhone. (TERRIBLE, I know. I am One of Those.) This constant distraction means that I am never in the moment, that I don't fully enjoy whatever I am experiencing. I'm missing out.

2. My mind is overloaded with all sorts of useless information. Do I really need to know all the names of the designers of Project Runway? At about 15 designers per season, that is over 120 names. Surely there is something more worthwhile to store in my memory bank... High Court precedents, for example. The names of people I actually know, even.

3. I don't allow myself, or my mind, to breathe. Those moments are, of course, my best opportunity to be inspired.

I had to retrace my steps to figure out what instigated this preoccupation with being in a constant flourish of activity. It seems to have started when I was going through a bit of a low-point in my life. I wanted to avoid being left alone with my thoughts, at all costs. Silence and stillness were evaded. I would fill in every waking moment with activity, noise or stimulation.

Thankfully, my mindset has changed now. I'm happier and more at peace with myself. I spend my spare time writing and connecting. Yet, I still feel uncomfortable with silence. I have a compulsion to be busy, instead of taking time to think and be still. I also feel an obligation to be well-read, informed and know "what's going on", whether within my circle of friends or the world at large. So how to ease myself into a streamlined, simplified, focused frame of mind, and have my lifestyle reflect that? Prioritising, for one, by ascertaining what is contributing to my wellbeing, and what isn't - or worse, what is hindering it.

So therein lies my August aspiration. Don't get me wrong, I can't bring myself to part with the latest season of Project Runway. I love it! But I am going to mitigate that frivolity with frequent respites, to think and reflect and be inspired. I will live in the moment, slow down and be gentle on myself. I am going to meditate everyday. I am going to break away from my bad habit of being engaged with dozens of things at once, and, instead, just focus on one at a time.

My hope is that these efforts will help me to be more inspired and mindful, as well as realise that I don't need to do everything that I feel compelled to do, either by myself or the world around me. There are only so many hours in a day, so I need to pick and choose the pursuits that suit me and give me pleasure, and subsist on those. They don't always have to be noble - there is always room for pure selfishness and contentment. What's lovely about life is that we, the lucky ones, have the power and the choice to create the lifestyle that makes us happy. So why let others make that choice for us?

"Don't pointless things have a place, too, in this far-from-perfect world?"
— Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

(Pictures via The Selby and Dead March)

P.S. Just one day after I posted this, my poor laptop self-combusted. I guess it is protesting, too!

Monday, July 19, 2010

a delicate resonance of longing


"Then she took my hand and touched it to the wound beside her eye. I caressed the half-inch scar. As I did so, the waves of her consciousness pulsed through my fingertips and into me - a delicate resonance of longing. Probably someone should take this girl in his arms and hold her tight, I thought. Probably someone other than me. Someone qualified to give her something."
— Haruki Murakami (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle)

Friday, July 16, 2010

the library


"Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library."
— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

lean into life

I know that I sound like a broken record, constantly referring to Sarah Wilson's blog, but her column of a few weeks ago has made such an impact upon me that I just have to write about it.

Sarah interviewed Seth Godin, a marketing expert:

...Seth argues the workforce has changed radically and that it’s not enough to be a lemming employee any more. Lemmings are dispensable, as evidenced by the mass sackings of finance types across America in the past few years. Now, the only way to truly succeed and be remarkable is to create art. Not (necessarily) the pastels and parchment variety. Art, says Seth, is simply a gift that changes the recipient. It’s a generous act that sees you “lean into life”, like an aerial skier leans to travel further.

It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Art is when a waiter gives great service. Because she cares. Art is not following the manual. It’s Susan Boyle ignoring the cynics and fronting up and singing. It’s smiling at the courier. It’s writing a book when there’s no guarantee of it being published.

A true gift is given without expectation of a reward. Although, they invariably become their own reward. Which is hard to fathom, so let me explain it with an anecdote. Last Saturday night, Seth attended the opening of Shepard Fairey’s art exhibition in Manhattan. Fairey created the now-iconic Obama Hope poster. He gave away 500,000 of the posters – at his own expense – during the US election campaign. He had no idea how it would be received. He just gave anyway. But as a result he’s become one of the most influential artists in America. Seth tells me a 4000-strong crowd attended the show and his work sells for $US30,000 a pop.

Fairey’s generosity made him remarkable. And, thus, indispensable. Any artist could’ve created that poster. The difference is Fairey fronted up, he gave, he leaned into life and took a risk. As Steve Jobs famously said, “Real Artists Ship”. That is, they deliver.

So how do we start giving gifts? How do we become remarkable? “The aim is to elevate connecting and sharing to the same level as breathing or eating lunch every day,” he says. By which he means, we start giving and then give some more and eventually it becomes a way of life.

And Sarah, on spending a day giving unconditional gifts:

It felt free, and expansive. Leaning in, letting go and not caring about being reciprocated felt natural and in tune with the creative process. It also felt more than a little bit daring.

This is something that I need to embrace, especially at my part-time job. I'll be frank: I am not an excellent salesperson, and never will be. (Too "nice", apparently.) It gives me anxiety because I want to be good at everything, both in my own eyes and in the eyes of those around me. So what I need to do is to bring something else, to make up for my lack of natural talent. Something human, and indispensable. It's easy to feel like a mouse running in a wheel, always trying to win praise and appreciation from superiors but never getting anywhere. It's demoralising. It makes us tired, and we wonder why we bother putting in all the effort. I guess what is really important is to set our own standards and live by them, instead of trying to reach the heights that other people pressure us to aspire to. It's the only way to truly live in the moment and be happy with ourselves. For me, I feel accomplished by making somebody feel prettier or giving them valuable advice. I try not to let whether or not they spend hundreds of dollars phase me too much. And, the thing is, it doesn't usually phase my bosses too much either. My "niceness"* outweighs their disgruntlement, apparently. Yes, that very niceness hindering my selling prowess is also my greatest asset which, I guess, is the point I'm trying to make.

As for the other facets of my life, "leaning" into it is the perfect way to describe the best way of approaching it... and by "life" I mean love (human connection), excitement and joy. Embracing things that are enriching, rejecting those that are inhibiting, going above and beyond what is expected and offering more of myself with no expectation of reward or even recognition. Being self-aware and self-confident is something vital to this movement but something that I constantly need to work on, because it doesn't come naturally for me. The key, I think, is to embrace the things about us that make us special and unique, and exploiting them so that we are irreplaceable - not only in the eyes of others but, first and foremost, ourselves.

"No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That's all."
Haruki Murakami (Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories)

* I say "niceness" in quotation marks because I don't think I'm all that nice. I could be a much nicer person... I'm working on it.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

the real world

"What we see before us is just one tiny part of the world. We get in the habit of thinking, this is the world, but that's not true at all. The real world is a much darker and deeper place than this, and much of it is occupied by jellyfish and things."
— Haruki Murakami
(Picture via Bruna Marchioro)

every morning I wind my own spring

I am not a Morning Person. I have deduced that there are two main reasons for this. One, I tend to stay up very late. I don’t have a good excuse for that. I’m not a shift worker or an insomniac. I just get preoccupied by a lot of fairly useless things, like watching Go Girls on Foxtel IQ or cutting out pretty pictures from magazines. So there’s that, coupled with the fact that don't like waking up. Not because I'm depressed or detest my job or anything like that. I just love sleeping. The warmth of my bed, the sweetness of my dreams and the cuddliness of my boyfriend all coalesce to dissuade me from getting out of bed at a reasonable hour.

I have done my research. There are all sorts of benefits to being a Morning Person. According to various sources, I’ll be more productive, energetic and bright-eyed, not to mention that I’ll lose weight and my skin will be more radiant. In summary, I’ll be happier, as well as a more successful, aesthetically pleasing person. There are also many proven methods available that I can use to transform myself into a Morning Person. Obviously, going to bed earlier and having a deep sleep are very important and tai chi, avoiding caffeine, lavender candles, Eckhart Tolle and bananas are supposed to help with those.

But I have a better idea, one that suits me a little better than St Mary’s Thistle and early morning walks. It came to me on the morning of my 21st birthday party. For the first time in weeks, maybe months, I woke up early, of my own accord. My eyes flew open and I got out of bed immediately, quickly dressed and started doing things. No multiple iPhone alarms, snuggling my boyfriend, turning on The Today Show. (Isn’t Lisa Wilkinson divine?) No, I just woke up and got out of bed. Why? Because I was excited. I was seeing the people I love. I was proud of the party I had organised for them. I had a lovely outfit to wear. I had things that I needed to get done. If only I could be so passionate about facing each and every day, I wouldn't have to worry about alarm clocks and Tryptophan-enriched foods. It would just come naturally. So there existed my new aspiration: to make my days so exciting and fulfilling that I woke up easily and bounced out of bed every morning.

I tried that for a few weeks. You know, writing lists and making plans to fill my days with fun and laughter, trying to build anticipation and excite a passion that would miraculously trigger my eyes to fly open at the break of dawn. But the truth is that, no matter how hard we try, our days will be varied. Some will be overwhelmingly awful or mind-numbingly boring, and others will be exhilarating or just plain lovely. The majority will be a combination of all of these. Coming to this realisation helped me to acknowledge that it’s not so much my life that has to change, as much as my mindset: above all, my subconscious needs to acknowledge that this wonderful world we live in has so much more to offer than the comfortable little cocoon that engulfs me every morning. I guess what it comes down to, ultimately, is the dichotomy between what we want to do versus what we think we should be doing. And the lesson is to reconcile those two little voices in our heads so that they are one and the same, whispering exactly the same thing, each and every morning: wake up and face the day.


"Just as you take care of the birds and the fields every morning, every morning I wind my own spring. I give it some thirty-six good twists by the time I've gotten up, brushed my teeth, shaved, eaten breakfast, changed my clothes, left the dorm, and arrived at the university. I tell myself, Ok, let's make this day another good one."
Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

(Don't you love how he describes priming yourself for the day as to "wind my own spring"?)

Monday, May 3, 2010

haruki murakami


Okay so I have become obsessed with Japanese author Haruki Murakami. His way with words is just incomparable. He can articulate things that I can only feel, and so beautifully.

As a result, you will most likely find a lot more of his quotes on this blog. Starting with —

"Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart. [On Seeing The 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning ]"
Haruki Murakami (The Elephant Vanishes: Stories)